" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Monday, June 8, 2009

4 months

Tomorrow marks the 4th month since I gave birth to Mason...As I sit here writing this tears are welling up and my heart aches. My arms are heavy and wish more than anything that I could hold my precious baby just one more time. I remember him kicking inside of me....and then I remember that tragic night now to long ago when my whole life changed. So much has happened since Mason died....I'm grieving, I'm sad, I've gone from crying most of the day, to having good days, bad days, and mixed days. I've isolated myself from alot of people...i've lost a friend who i was close to for 8 years. She continued to end every conversation, email, text, message, with recover quickly and get back to normal soon...and I just couldn't take that anymore. I've learned through this that it isn't fair to put a timeline on this process known as grief...my normal will never be the same...yes I will become more adjusted to my "new normal" but I will never be the same person as I was before Mason was born. It changed my life and while I know God is right by my side each day brings new challenges but in the same breath He is teaching me so much about Him and myself....

I need to go to sleep as I have to get up early tomorrow but I can't seem to fall asleep. I've had reoccuring nightmares since Mason died and I struggle with going to bed afraid of what might occur while I'm sleeping. I'm praying tonight is a quiet night.

Thank you for your prayers and for listening. God Bless

1 comment:

Erika said...

I know today will be hard for you, please know that I continue to pray for you!!