" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Sunday, August 23, 2009


I've wanted to jump on so many times during the last week and post but it's been so busy!! That being said I have a few minutes right now...because I found my second wind at 10:49 and thought I would say hi. :)

First off...thank you so much for your prayers about my new job! God has truly blessed me with this opportunity and every day I'm at my new job He continues to affirm this is where He wants me. I've enjoyed getting to know the ladies I work with as well as coworkers in different depts that I work with on a daily basis. I found out on Friday that I get to fly on our corporate jet in October to go visit one of our DCs for the day. I'm so exited!!

Aside from work, I've had a wonderful weekend with the family. We went to a state park on Sat and enjoyed our time as a family. I brought a good book, a WW cookbook, my favorite sweatshirt blanket and relaxed!!! It was really windy but the boys had a blast playing in the sand and ran off a lot of energy. Today was priceless!! We went to church this morning, dropped the boys off at my mom's for some Grandma time and Chad and I had lunch together and ran a few errands. We came home and I took a nap while he mowed the lawn then I went and picked the boys up from my moms. Noah helped me wash the explorer and he and I spent a couple of hours just chatting while I vaccummed, and cleaned the explorer from top to bottom! Chad then helped me replant some of Mason's plants we were given at his funeral. Chad was so sweet to replant them by our deck a few months ago but I'm afraid they are going to die when the frost comes, so we replanted them in pots today. Now I just need to find some plant stands... I made some delicious smoothies for Chad and I for dinner and then enjoyed a glass of wine on the deck after it got dark. The boys came out to sit with me and we had a wonderful time chatting and looking at the stars. Today has been one of those days where the little things have meant so much and truly touched my heart.

This week is going to be busy but fun!!! I work in Chicago tomorrow and Tuesday, at home part of Wednesday and then Chad and I are off to Chicago to meet up with my best friend Carm, her husband Sean, and their two kids A and C. They are moving to Europe and have a 37 hour layover in Chicago!! We are so excited to be able to spend the time with them and have a couple of fun things planned. I will so miss having my best friend state side. We've been blessed to have been able to see each other 4 times this year and it will be hard being apart for so long, but I'm so thankful for skype! Then on Sat. Chad and I are going to Galena and meeting up with his best friend and wife for the weekend and enjoy their company. So it should be a lot of fun. The boys are going to stay with one of my dear friends from work over the weekend and I know they will have a blast with her and her husband!! Well I have a few more things I'm hoping to get done before I crash! I hope everyone has a great Monday.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Your Hand Uphold Me..

What a day...a really good day. I know my posts lately seem to be starting with that and honestly 6 months ago I didn't think I would ever be able to say that again. Truly, I was in so much pain, consuming raw pain, shock, numb, terrified, and often times felt so alone. Losing Mason has been the most painful experience of my life and at the time I didn't ever think I would be able to laugh, or enjoy a day again. I know that sounds dramatic but at the time everything was so hard and getting past the hard days seemed like it would never come. My dear friends...God met me in the hospital, help my hand and has upheld me since that moment that changed my life forever. There are still so many hard days...i'm not going to lie...not a day goes by that I don't think of him and things that were easy before are now a little harder. One of those tings isgoing to church. The first two months after he died I would cry every service I went too...the tears pouring down my face. And then I stopped going every Sunday because I started having panic attacks as we would leave the house and drive towards the interstate. I've gone a handful of times that past few months but have missed my church family, and missed being fed by our Pastor's sermons. Today I went and took the boys, Chad had to work, so the boys and I left and off we went. They were so excited to go! It was on our drive in that I felt so convicted and know how important it is for the boys to be fed weekly as well. I dropped them off at their classes and headed to service and God met me and held my hand. I stood with my arms open and worshipped and it felt so good!!! There were so many songs that spoke to me and below are a few verses in particular that I wrote down so I wouldn't forget them:

His grace runs after me
I give it all to you
At the cross I bow my knee
You are my desire
Your Glory fills the highest place
Your hand upholds me
God is big enough to handle all of our doubts

I have had so many doubts.....so many doubts through this whole experience but now I have hope, peace, and His hand upholding me. It's not easy and I'm not even going to pretend to have all of the answers, but I can tell you this....I am only where I am at today because of HIM! It is because of Him that I can smile again, play with my kids, love my husband, and so much more. Because friends I could not do it...nope not at all. If it was up to me I would still be where I was six months ago...in pain...deep pain..numb...and hopeless. I am not capable of giving myself the peace that I feel, I'm not able to mend my heart, and if it was up to me I probaly wouldn't have been back at church today. But He is soverign and big enough for all of my doubts...big enough for everything I've experienced and He still loves me the same. Not only does he love me He has helped me get to a place that I never thought I'd be. I'm not saying that I'm never going to have a bad day, panic attack, angry day, and more, but when I do He will continue to be there to hold my hand and walk me through each moment. I pray that whatever circumstance you may be in that you will reach out and hold onto His hand....and let Him walk you through.

On a quick side note...I tried a new recipe tonight that I got from my Taste of Home Magazine..."Mexican Lasagna..and it's amazing!! I'll post the recipe soon. I even took a few pics to share. It's my new fav recipe. Have a blessed evening!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Weekend is here!

Good morning!!! I'm so happy the weekend is finally here. It has been one long week but God has helped me get through it and yesterday was fantastic!!! Unfortunately they are having technical difficulties getting my laptop configured...i'm the first one within our organization to accept a position at headquarters but will be remaining an employee at our location in WI until Jan because of legal technicalitites. So I was without a computer yesterday but between one of their IT managers and one of mine I think they figured out a plan:) I love my new office and my coworkers seem really nice. They are all women on my team and that makes me a little nervous because I'm used to working with a lot of men and a handful of women. There are hundreds of men that work at our office but our immediate team is 7 females...that could get interesting, but I will stay positive and hope for the best:) My manager is awesome and I'm really looking forward to working for her. The drive home was rough and I was really afraid I was going to fall asleep while driving, being up at 2am finally caught up with me. I made it home safely though and took a three hour nap. Then I couldn't go to sleep so was up until one cleaning and going through work emails from home. We don't have a whole lot planned this weekend which is great! I'm taking our dog, Ms. Zoe to the groomers in an hour to get a much needed hair cut and her nails clipped. While she is getting beautified I am planning on stopping at my favorite photo place and getting prints of a lot of pictures from my digital camera. So that's me in a nutshell this morning. The laundry is already running and I'm planning on making some banana bread and hoping for sun and some point this weekend so I can work on my new garden project.

Well I had posted a question post a few days ago and did get a few good ones from Erika and thought I would share the answers~!

1. What is your favorite dinner recipe?

A- Right now it is Spagetti Pizza Bake. It's a WW recipe that I love and it tastes amazing!

2 spray(s) olive oil cooking spray
12 oz uncooked whole-wheat pasta, spaghetti
2 large egg white(s)
1 large egg(s)
2/3 cup(s) fat-free skim milk
3/4 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp table salt
1 1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/4 cup(s) basil, fresh, chopped (plus extra leaves for garnish)
9 oz shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese, divided
32 oz bottled spaghetti sauce
2 oz pepperoni, finely julienned (about 1/2 cup)

Preheat oven to 400ºF. Coat a 9- X 13-inch glass baking dish with cooking spray; set aside.

Break spaghetti into 2-inch pieces and cook, al dente, according to directions; drain and cool.

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, beat egg whites and egg until frothy. Stir in milk, garlic powder, salt, oregano, basil and 1/3 of mozzarella; add cooked spaghetti and stir until thoroughly combined. Spread spaghetti mixture evenly in bottom of baking dish. Bake for 15 minutes; remove from oven. Reduce oven temperature to 350ºF.

Spread spaghetti sauce over pasta; sprinkle with remaining cheese. Scatter pepperoni evenly over cheese layer. Return to oven and bake until heated through and cheese is bubbly, about 30 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes, garnish with basil and then cut into 10 servings. Yields 1 slice per serving.

It's amazing and healthy!!! Let me know if you try it, what you think.

2. What is my favorite wine?

A. I have soo many but right now my favorite is from a winery in WI called, Black Meade and it is a Blueberry wine. It's extremly smooth and amazing!

3. How did your hubby propose?

A. I love this story although some of you might find it cheesy, it's so special to me. Chad got my sister Ashley to help with this and did it in a way that I wouldn't even have suspected it. We went to Applebeese for lunch one afternoon and my sister worked at this Applebees at the time and we always requested her to be our server. This was like any other time (or so I thought)...Chad ordered a combo meal, where you get the meal, and a dessert which I thought was a little weird because he never does but he said we could share and I love getting their deserts. We ate our meal and Chad put his order in for desert. I ran to the bathroom, came back, and Ashley set Chad's desert in front of me. I wasn't paying attention to it and reminded her it was Chad's. It was then that I looked down...and in whipped icing were the words "Will you Marry ME" around the plate? I was in shocked and think I even screamed...I look up at Chad and he has the ring out and reaches across the table to ask me if I will marry him. He was so nervous he forgot to get down on one knee, but at that point I didn't even care. I thought it was so special that he had included my sister in something so exciting and did it in a way that I would never suspect. I of course said yes:) I couldn't stop looking at my hand the rest of the day and probaly looked narcistic walking around town beaming.

Well I'm off to get ready for the day. I hope everyone has a blessed day and enjoy the little things today...it's those things that really make a day special!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Excited and Can't Sleep!

Good morning! :) It's 2:47 am and I can't sleep. Today is my first day at my new job at our corporate headquarters and I'm so excited I'm wide awake. I know I will pay for it later, but that's ok. I can't begin to tell you how excited I was to have yesterday over with. This week has proven to be extremely stressful trying to transition everything to the four people who are absorbing my old job. I'm a perfectionist if the truth be known and I wanted to pass everything off in a certain way and honestly at the end of the day I think it all went pretty well. Praise the Lord!!! So today I'm up early, hoping to catch at least another hour of sleep, before I start getting ready for work and join the world of commuters:) Everyone keeps asking me if I'm looking forward to the 80 minute drive, but at this point it doesn't bother me, because I feel so strongly that this is where God wants me right now. I truly believe in my heart that He has opened all of these doors for us and I know He will work everything out the way it is supposed to be. Chad's on call early this morning and then took the rest of the day off to hang out with the boys at home which will be great for them!!!

Well if you think about it please pray for me today that my first day will go well and I won't hit to much construction on the way into the Chicago. Can't wait to update you on my first day:)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


This week has been exhausting both emotionally and mentally. It's my last week in my current job and I've been bombarded with requests before I transition to my new job on Friday. I know I put alot of the pressure on myself, but there just hasn't been enough hours in the day and I'm so tired by the time I get home that I just don't want to sit back down at the computer and work. I'm hoping to get at least a couple of hours in after the boys go to bed, but we'll see. On a positive note, i'm really excited about Friday and starting my new job!!! God has truly blessed me with this opportunity and I can't wait to see what doors continue to open. Tomorrow my girlfriend is supposed to come over and share a bottle of wine with me on our deck which should be relaxing! I haven't cooked in over a week and I know I need to get it in gear, but again lacking energy. Luckily Chad is amazing and hasn't complained! I've made a mental note to make my famous brownies this weekend as a thank you to him for all of his support! I've been a bear to live with this week. :)

I'm been trying to think of ways to become more engaged with my readers and thought I would open comments from now until Friday night for any questions you might have for me. I'm a pretty open book and would love to answer any questions you might have. So please leave any questions you have and I will answer them on Saturday.

We have NO plans this weekend and for that I'm truly thankful! I'm thinking of making it a pajama weekend!!! We haven't had one in a very long time and I think now might be a great opportunity for one.

If there is anything I can pray about for you specifically please fell free to email me or leave a comment. I would be honored to pray for you.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Wine tour weekend and more

This weekend was amazing and bittersweet. First of all it was the first weekend in a long time that I didn't work AT ALL and it was fantastic!!!! I think I forgot what a weekend was really supposed to be like and this past one truly blessed me. My girlfriend, Jill, from work and I have been planning on a Wine Tour 2009 and this weekend was the start of it. There are currently 35 wineries registered in the state of Wisconsin and we have made it our goal to visit each of them within the next year. Saturday was our first day and boy was it an adventure! We started at Mocha Moments my favorite coffee shop and enjoyed an amazing cup of coffee and the best sugar free blueberry muffins ever!!! We then went to five wineries; AppleBarn, Slatter Winery, Appeltreow, Mason Creek Winery, and Northleaf Winery. Each winery had wonderful wine and the people who owned them had a lot of neat information to share. Northleaf is my favorite and I frequent there often, so much so that when we stopped in the owner told me that they were out of my favorite wine. :) I had never been to the other wineries and was excited to learn about each of them. I fell in love with many of the wines at the first winery and Jill helped me remain practical and told me she was going to buy one bottle per winery, Chad was so excited when I got home and told him I had only purchased 4 bottles. :) The girl at Apple Barn told us about Slatter Winery which wasn't on our map and I'm so glad she did. The couple who own it started it as a hobby and because it was an expensive hobby they decided to open their own winery and grow their grapes here in Wisconsin. In my opinion they had the most variety and I could have easily bought almost every wine, luckily they aren't too far away and I'll be sure to visit them again. Now let me tell you about Appeltreow and Charles!! Appeltreow carries wine that is made from apples and pears and the owner Charles was so knowledgable but also corky. He reminded me of the guy from Honey I shrunk the kids and was so hilarious! When we got on the subject of apples and I was trying to tell him my favorite apple and couldn't spit it out he says, "you like Honey Crisp apples don't you" which are my favorite and then he proceeds to tell me that "I loathe Honey Crisp"...it was right then and there that I almost toppled over laughing. He gave Jill and I a very informative lesson on apples and the many different kinds of apples. Alas we were sad to go but enjoyed the amazing cheeses and wines he had to share. We then drove to Mason Creek Winery and as we started sampling the wine the hostess asked if one of our names was Mimi...and I was stunned and said yes that's me. Sure enough Charles had called ahead and let her know that he forgot to give my my check card back. Yep I almost stopped breathing!!! Luckily we were only 40 minutes away. So we stayed at Mason Creek no more than ten minutes tried all of the wine, purchased our bottle and back to Appeltreow we headed. I forgot to share our lunch story with you....so we were starving after Appeltreow and I used my GPS to find out what restaurants were near by and we decided to go to a place called Rock and Robin Bar and Grill. We pulled up and the name had been changed to "It's All About Us"...so we went in had a seat and ordered out food. The best part was that on one of the walls was a picture of two ladies, one with blonde hair, one with brown and they were toasting a glass of wine!!! What a perfect place to have lunch. We of course had to ask for a picture and made a spectal of ourselves but it was well worth it.
All in All Jill and I had a blast and couldn't stop laughing on many occasions. My GPS, Victoria, got us a little lost in the town of Burlington and we were cracking up as we were trying to find our way back to society...note to self never get lost in Burlington! We made it home by 5:00 with smiles on our faces and a bag full of snacks that I had packed/overpacked. Yes, I'm a mom and packed like we were going away for a weekend.

Sunday I got up early because Noah decided to call 911 and give me the phone after he was done talking to MS Trisha...yep that's right. It was 7:12 am and I hung up the phone because I'm so not coherent when awoken out of a dead sleep, only to have the number call me back and tell me they were the 911 dispatcher and wanted to make sure everything was ok. No sooner did I hang up the phone then my doorbell rang and there was an officer there making sure we were alright. I was so embarrassed and realize Noah didn't realize what pressing the star button on my phone would do, but he now knows not to call the police anymore. I decided to go for a run and it was great! Chad and I had a date lunch and then headed over to Home Depot to look around and talk about my ideas for the "Boys' Garden" and other corner in our back yard that I am going to redo. Did I mention I don't have a green thumb and have never had any interest in doing any type of landscaping until recently? Well now i'm interested and can't get the ideas out of my head. Chad is being great and pacifying me by listening and looking at ideas with me. Lucky for him most of the planting in the back won't take place until next spring but I still have a lot of clean up to do to prepare. Sunday afternoon we went up north to see baby Connor. My girlfriend Michelle and Craig had baby Connor on Friday. She is my dear friend who shared her pregnancy with me right after I found out I was pregnant with Mason and right away we made so many plans for our maternity leave together. Their son is beautiful and I enjoyed spending a couple of hours at the hospital with them and holding him. He's absolutely precious and adorable! I can't wait to love on him as they have loved on our children all these years. They are Noah's godparents but love Kylan just the same. Kylan has a special bond with "Uncle Craig" and it is so special to watch. I enjoyed talking with Michelle and listening to how she was doing. We came home, put the boys to bed and watched the new Fast and the Furious movie, which I loved!!! It wasn't until we headed to bed that the tears came...and didn't stop. It was then that I finally let it out. How I miss Mason so much....so much and long for nothing more than to just hold him if even for one more second. Words can't describe the ache that never goes away and the heaviness my arms often feel. I so wish I had him here now to hold, to love, to take care of. These past weeks have been great and God is truly keeping His Healing hand on me, but my dear friends the ache is still there, the mom in me still and will always miss my son. This weekend just reminded me how much. I'm so thankful for Connor and glad that Michelle and Craig have been blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I'm so excited for them and the new journey of parenthood that they are now experiencing, as they will be great parents!!! I want to support them and love them as they have loved us through our journey as parents, but I also grieve for the months I won't have with my baby, home with Michelle, hanging out and making special memories. I ache for the moments I will never have. I ache to hear my baby's cry. The tears stream down my face as I think of him and how precious he is to me. I remember holding his tiny frail body and wishing I could breathe life back into him. I can't and honestly it sucks...it really sucks. Michelle and I have had some wonderful conversations and she asked if I still struggle with Why and honestly there are days when I do...days when I ask Why...Why me, Why him, Why now? I don't believe I will ever know those answers this side of eternity and I try so hard to Rest in Him and friends I tell you that it is only by His Grace that I do have peace and have been able to breathe, laugh, and enjoy life again, but that doesn't mean there aren't hard days. IT's just that now the hard days don't consume me the way they did before.

I pray you have a blessed week. My below post for McLinky shares one of my favorite Bible Verses. It has brought me much comfort and peace and is where I choose to rest my life and the lives of my family. He knows the plans HE has for us and I choose to give him my life and let Him mold it into something beautiful. IF I were to try I would end up with a broken pot, but know He can makes something beautiful out of my brokeness.
Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

MckLinky Blog Hop