" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Saturday, January 24, 2009

This weekend...

My mom had her appt with one of her doctors yesterday and she told my mom that there is a gray area of concern on her cervix. They are waiting for the results of her PAP which should be here early next week. They are going to do a MRI and will determine exactly what is going on. So now we are just waiting and praying. Please continue to pray for my mom. She hasn't told any of my siblings yet and wants to wait until she knows exactly what is going on. She has a heart for Jesus and puts her full trust in Him, but I know she is nervous. I just hope the doctors ack quickly depending on what the results are.

Last night I went over to my friend Amy's house for a scrap night which was a lot of fun. I had my decaf latte in hand and my totes full of scrap stuff. I cranked out three pages and cropped a big stack of pictures. I'm really hoping to print off more pictures and work on Kylan's albulm tonight. I ended up spending the night at Amy's because we talked so much and it got to be quite late. I live about 20 minutes south on the Interstate but was so tired by the time we were done. I woke up bright and early this morning and went to my favorite coffee shop to pick up a decaf latte.

This weekend should be relaxing and fun. Today we are planning on taking the boys to McDonalds for lunch. They received a couple of gift cards for Christmas and they love the Playland. I personally can't stand it because of all of the germs but i'm learning to let go and let them have fun....It's also a good release for them to get all of their energy out. Tonight we are going to church and then staying for Family Night. They are playing Kung Fu Panda after service which should be a lot of fun for the boys. Tomorrow we are celebrating one of my sister's birthday at my moms and then just relaxing. I go back to school Monday, but am only taking one class this semester. I'm taking Business Statistics...ugh...not my favorite and I know the prof who is teaching this class. I had him for Econ two years ago and he is tough! I've enjoyed the past month off of school and now have to get back into the school/work/ mom grove.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Please Pray..

It has been a difficult two days. Yesterday Ky woke up with a 102 temp and I stayed home to be with my little men. I just hate it when they aren't feeling well. Needless to say we spent a lot of time cuddling on the couch watching movies and resting. It was really wonderful to spend extra time with Noah while Ky was sleeping. His fever hasn't broken yet so I am going to stay home today as well. Yeah for long weekends! My house is almost completely clean...which means a restful weekend.

My mom has been sick for almost a year. Almost a year ago she started to get very bloated in her stomach and was feeling a lot of pain. We spent the better half of two months meeting with many different specialists and she went through every test in the book. The results...they said she had become lactose intolerant, had an enlarged uterus (but not large enough to do surgery), and a cyst on her ovary. Since then my mom has completely changed her diet and no longer eats/drinks anything with milk or wheat products in it. Unfortunately she hasn't gotten better and continues to be in pain daily. This has been extremely frustrating for as the doctors kept telling her they tested everything and to come back for a recheck in 6 months. She has often felt like she is going crazy because of the fact that she still feels horrible but that the doctors couldn't determine what else is wrong with her. Prior to getting sick my mom is probaly one of the most active women I know. She is a single mom of 6 kids, four of whom lived at home with her until recently when two moved to FL to go to school. She would get up at 4:30 every day workout, take my siblings to school, work, and take care of everything for everyone. Now she is lucky if she can do the bare minimum withought being couched. She went back to the doctors last week for more tests and to meet with a different doctor. Yesterday she received a letter stating the ultrasound they did came back abnormal. They got her in the hospital for more testing today and stated to her that her cervix is abnormal. I'm not sure what they are going to find out, but I will be honest with you that I am scared. When this all started months ago my fear was that she either had uteran cancer or cervical cancer. This past month has been really hard for her, her health problems aside. Three of my younger sisters are all having a lot of issues and my mom has been drained trying to take care of them and make sure they are ok. This just seems like the cherry on top for her. After she called me yesterday I began cleaning like a crazy person, because this is what I do when I get upset or nervous. I have been praying non stop and begging God to protect her and heal her. I'm selfish and don't want anything to happen to her. I'm trying to think positive but my gut tells me there is something really wrong. I hope my gut is wrong and it's something surgery can fix. Please pray for her today. She doesn't want to tell any of my siblings until she knows for sure what's wrong. I know our God is a bigger God then all of this, yet this is a prime example of when I struggle to just let go. Her appt is at 11:00 CST. Hopefully they will receive the test results rather quickly. I appreciate all of your prayers.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Lead me to the cross.....

Today has been a wonderful day so far! I woke up bright and early (4:15) and headed to the grocery store to do my big shopping. I make a menu, cut coupons, write my list, and go to the grocery once every two weeks. I personally get stressed when I go during normal business hours due to all of the people/congestion and since Noah was born I have started my early morning weekend routine...and honestly I love it! There isn't anyone there except me and the people who stock the shelves and the cashier. I'm sure they think I'm crazy but I enjoy the peace and quiet and find it relaxing. My favorite part is at the end when I give the cashier my coupons and watch the dollars fall off! :) It doesn't take much to make my day. Then I headed home unloaded my groceries, ran to Starbucks to meet one of my girlfriends for early coffee, then back home to get the family ready for church and off we went. I was so blessed by Pastor Dave's sermon today! We haven't been in a couple of week and I so missed going. The worship team sang one of my favorite songs...I don't remember the title but one of the phrases is " Lead me to the cross Lord I lay me dow"....oh how that spoke to my heart today. I so want others to see Christ in me...I want them to know that I love him with all of my heart, I want to stand apart so that my life may bring Him glory...and boy do I often fall short! Truthfully, I can be a rather impatient, stubborn, double stubborn, prideful person, but time and time again God forgives me and reminds me just how much He loves me. Just when I think I've blown it He gives me another chance and yet another, and I know I will continue to need those "second" chances throughout my life. How lucky we are to have a father whose love is unconditional. I grew up in a home where unconditional love was not something my father gave me and I often struggled to understand how my heavenly father could love me that way. I still have my days, but boy has He taught me so much these past couple of years. There have been moments when I didn't think I could take any more and was flat on my face...and He met me there....and carried me...He was there when I lost our second baby, He's been there when my brother's face caught on fire, when my sister had an eating disorder and lived with us, when my mom has been sick and struggled to function. He had been there and continues to give me a strength that is not my own. Often I get selfish and wish I didn't have to carry the burdens of my family that I often feel I have to carry, but I'm learning and trying so hard to let go and Let God. For my head knows He is strong enough to carry all of it...the good and bad...it's my heart that doesn't always Trust...and I like to be in control and it's very hard for me to be vulnerable and give the control up to Him. I can tell you though that when I do give the control up I am covered by an amazing peace....and continue to learn so much every day. Today's song...Lead me to the cross....reminded me so much of all that He did for all of us....He died a painful death that I will never be able to comprehend. The pain he felt is something words can not express but he died so that I may be forgiven and live eternally with Him.... How short I fall...but I tell you what...How I desire to Lay ME Down and live the Life that HE wants for me, my family, my children.

As I wait for the boys to wake up for their nap...I'm praying about the interviews we are having with several ladies to potentially watch the boys for us two days a week. Currently my mom watches them for us on Tues and Thurs, and Chad's parents watch them the rest of the week. My mom's health has been declining the past year and while the doctor's do more tests we need to find someone to help us watch them on the days she does. Currently my girlfriend has been watching them which has been a blessing, but she will be moving within the next six weeks after her husband gets out of the Army, so we are looking and praying for the right person to watch them. I can't tell you how nervous I am...these are my babies and with all of the crazy stuff I read about in the news I'm just praying for the right person to come along. God has been good and has placed two ladies in our path so far. We interviewed one this Friday and will be leaving here once the boys wake up to interview the second. We have a third potential person but am waiting to hear back from her about an interview time. Please pray that the Holy Spirit will lead us to the correct person.

Thank you for listening to my heart....I love being able to sit and pour whatever is on my heart out on "paper".... Tonight I need to finish some laundry and get ready for the week. I am hoping to get my Christmas thank you cards done and just hang out with the boys. I am making chili tonight for dinner. That is my craving of the moment! :) May you have a blessed evening.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

-18 and Snow!

I can't even begin to tell you how frigid cold it is here. Today our temp gauge in our explorer read -18. It reminds me so much of when I lived in Alaska! There are so many days where I am homesick for Alaska and miss all of my dear friends, but then there are days like today when I remember just how cold it is there. All of the schools were canceled but our company never closes so we made it into work in one piece and I defrosted eventually:) Actually I have a really cute necklace that goes with one of my favorite short sleeve tops that I decided to wear today...What was I thinking? :) I had a rough morning at work but was blessed by going to lunch with one of my friends. She is 17 years older than me but loves Jesus and has so much wisdom. I love going to lunch with her because we share how our walk with the Lord is going and share prayer requests, praises, and truly enjoy talking about our Savior. I went back to work feeling so blessed to have Christ in my life. I know it sounds cliche but I can't imagine not having a personal relationship with him. Don't get me wrong, there were many years of my life where I did not follow him and even today I have my moments, but I'm so thankful that he died for me...for all of us and that I know where my salvation lies. My heart aches for several of my close friends who do not know him and I pray that some day in His time they will. I'm just so thankful that I have him in my life now and don't go through my whole life not knowing him. Sorry for rambling. :)
I'm making my favorite enchilada with rice casserole...yummy! The rice is cooking on the stove and as soon as it is done I can start putting everything together. After dinner I'm going to play with the boys and have our nightly devotional time which has become the favorite part of my evening. Chad does bath time with them and then it's play time for a bit and off to bed for them. I love the show Private Practice and plan on watching that tonight. This is my first full week where I feel like I finally have my energy back. I went to the chiropracter today and that made so much difference. I'm so excited because i'm going to the spa Sat. morning for a massage! I've wanted to get one around Christmas time but I had to wait until I was three months. I'm so looking forward to relaxing for a full hour!!! Chad and I are planning on doing something fun with the boys this weekend although we are undecided on what exactly we are going to do. I'm hoping the temp will rise a bit so it's not so cold. He did mention going to Michaels to look at their scrapbook shelving for me:) With the baby coming my scrapbook room is moving downstairs and my scrapbook room is going to become the nursery. While I've enjoyed having the whole room to myself I'm willing to give it up:) So now we are looking for good orgnaization ways to store everything up high in my new home downstairs so busy hands can't get into everything. With the boys playroom being downstairs it will be right next to my new scrapbook area. I love the fact that my husband proposed the idea though...I honestly hadn't even gotten that far. Anyhow that's what's going on in our world the next couple of days. I plan on taking a 14 week prego picture on Sat and will be sure to post. I'm starting to pop already. It's amazing with each pregnancy how I pop quicker and quicker.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Resting and Mac and Cheese

I decided to take the day off and rest at home. I dropped the boys off and then Chad at work, stopped at the grocery store and came home and hopped back into bed. I watch tv for a bit and took a long nap which was really nice. I'm not a fan of daytime television and have read all of my books that were on list so I've been surfing the net for awhile and think I am going to take another nap before picking the boys up. It's been really nice to be at home today and not do anything. My kitchen is full of dishes that need to be cleaned but I just don't have the energy. I did pick up a box of Veleta shells and cheese and had some for lunch. It tasted so good! It's funny the things I crave when prego...mac and cheese has been a common item on the list for each of my pregnancies.
I really miss being involved in a Bible study with ladies, but know I just don't have the extra time right now to be involved in one. I do have a couple of studies that I been through and I'm thinking about going through one of them on my own. I've really enjoyed the Beth Moore studies that I've done and think I might do one again. They are so detailed and I often feel like I miss so much, so i'm excited to pick one up again. While I do spend time in the word during the week, I know I don't spend as much time as I would like. Well that's about it for now...I think I'm going to crash for a bit. Blessings!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Cleaning, Sleeping, and Apples and Peanut Butter

This weekend has been a busy one. Our friend Chris came over yesterday as 10 and went to work on our downstairs installing our new carpet (which I love). He was here until 5 and it is officially done... minus a few pieces of trim around our bar Chad has to install. But I now have my upstairs back and feel so blessed. I feel so blessed through all of this God showed himself and took care of everything...details I wouldn't have even thought of. While Chris was busy working downstairs yesterday, I was a woman on a mission, a cleaning and organizing mission. I took down all of my Christmas decor, cleaned my kitchen, scrubbed my bathroom, and did about six loads of laundry. Yes the laundry fairy hasn't come in a while and I was in need of getting clothes clean. I still have a few loads to complete but got the majority of it done. I also created a list of projects that I would like to complete while on break from school and was determined to make a dent in them yesterday. I love to cook and with that comes many recipes that I print off and go into a manilla folder. The stack has become so large, it is now an icon on my end table in my family room where I spend the majority of my quiet time. I also received supscriptions to Shape, Fitness, Creative Keepsakes, and Scrapbook Memories this past year. With my busy schedule they have often piled up in my scrapbook room or in my totes under my end tables. One of my friends, who I call Martha Stewart, showed me a great tool that she uses to keep her ideas organized. She uses a 3 ring binder and page protectors to keep all layout, craft ideas, and card ideas that she comes across in magazines and then puts little notes on them before putting them in a page protector. What a great idea! I was so excited to begin my project yesterday after cleaning and off to Target I went to stock up on binders and page protectors. I spent the better part of the evening tearing out pages and making piles. It was great and I was so excited to get rid of all of the magazines that have piled up. Noah was my little helper and helped put the pages in the piles for me. It was a fun bonding time for us. I just love my little man. I've finished my scrapbook binder and fitness binder, and started my recipe binder today. The boys, Chad and I had a busy evening getting their playroom all set up and then Chad moved on to his media room. Guys and their surround sound...lol. And so with that I came upstairs to peace and quiet. PTL! I even managed to watch a movie and a half. I watched Tortilla Soup and really liked it!!! So much so that I want to go buy it.

I woke up today and definately paid for everything I did yesterday. I'm sore and have had a headache all day and can't find my tylenol!!! Chad hid all of our pills when my sister was staying with us last week and he can't remember where he put them...ugh!! I have been in my pjs all day and have napped off and on throughout the day. I'm a little frustrated because there was a few more things I wanted to get done this weekend, but my body is saying no.... I've learned over the years to listen to my body so i'm listening. I also craved an apple with peanut butter after I woke up from my last nap and boy was it yummy!!! Now i'm watching football and waiting for the boys to get up from their nap. As far as dinner goes tonight I think it is going to be leftovers. I am craving spanish rice with enchiladas but just don't have the energy to make it. Maybe tomorrow! Overall it's been a wonderful weekend and i'm already getting excited to having part of the summer/fall of with my boys and baby. I can't wait to find out next month what we are having!! I think we stumbled across a boys name we both like. I love the name Micah but Chad isn't a huge fan, nor does he like all of the biblical names that I love, but I came across the name Mason today and we both really like it. Who knows if it will stick but i'm excited I found one we both like. As of right now i'm planning on having another boy and will be pleasantly surprised if I wrong and its a girl. Either way we are just praying for a healthy baby and pregnancy.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

It's been awhile

It feels like forever since I have posted and boy do I have a lot to write about. I am meeting one of my dear friends T for dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant, but am waiting for her to call me to let me know she is on her way, before I leave my house. Where do I start?

Christmas was wonderful! We truly enjoyed every minute of our 5 day weekend with the boys and all of our family and friends. The boys were so blessed and received more toys then two boys know what to do with. We read the Christmas story and talked to them about Jesus's birth every day for weeks before Christmas, although Noah still thinks Jesus's daddy's name is Chad...lol. It will stick one of these days. Chad and I enjoyed our time together as well. We were able to watch movies and just enjoy each others company. Our friend Nick is home from overseas and we were able to spend time with him, his wife, and their two kids quite a bit which was great. My sister came home from Florida and that was interesting. She is seventeen and full of drama...I really think she had gotten more dramatic since she started college but I could be wrong. Either way I had a headache after listening to her for a couple of hours. Don't get me wrong I love her dearly but couldn't keep up with everything that is going on in her world. Plus to be quite honest she in this selfish stage right now and doesn't really think about anyone else but herself....but anyhow. We did enjoy our time together and she is now back at school where it is warm.

Flooring update- We met with our friend last week and ordered everything to go downstairs in order to get the flooring replaced. I'm so excited because if everything goes according to plan it should be complete by Sat. evening!(Today)Yeah! We still have to find a vanity we like to replace the one in our bathroom but we wanted to focus on the flooring first.

Family happenings- Please say a prayer for my sister Ashley... She is right below me in the line of siblings and we are very close. I haven't talked about it much on my blog, but we come from a very disfunctional family. My sister is in her last year of college and is going to school to become a physcologist. This semester a lot of her classes focused on alcoholism and depression, two things that hit to close to home. She has had a hard time dealing with all of the memories that came flooded back and a week ago wanted to commit suicide. It was quiet scary for the couple of days after she shared her plan with me, but we are blessed as a family to have a wonderful counselor who has helped us through many things throughout the years and this time was no different. Unfortunately it’s not a quick fix and something that is going to take a lot of time. I think Ash is doing better today then she was last week, but my heart breaks for her. My mom is having a hard time with everything as well. She suffered from abused wives syndrome and PTSD and unfortunately has always struggled to be a parent to my siblings. She does the best that she can but is so broken that when parenting gets touch she just loses it and doesn’t have the strength or mental capacity to work through things. I know God has a plan for my family and he continues to show his hand in everything, but there are many days where things seem to be so overwhelming and it often feels like it’s never going to end. It’s during these times with my family that I am so thankful for my husband and the family we have together. I am so blessed to have found a man that quite frankly is nothing like my dad and love me unconditionally and is an amazing father and friend. I know all of those things sound cliché, but it is so true.

I woke up this morning early, which while I wanted to sleep in I’m excited to have a little time by myself before the boys get up. I’ve started this blog several times and finally saved it to word so I could finish it before I posted. This morning I’m planning on taking all of my Christmas décor down. I started a couple of days ago but was pooped after working on it for 10 minutes. I also have the normal dishes, laundry, cleaning, and Target run to do. I’m also trying to figure out something fun to do with the boys to keep them upstairs why the floor is being installed downstairs. I was thinking about making new playdough for them which would be fun. Tomorrow I’m hoping to get some scrapping down before the week starts, but we’ll see. I have this running list of things I would like to get down before classes start up in two weeks. Well I think I’m going to start working on taking all of my ornaments off of the tree. Can I just tell you how much I love Hallmark’s 50% off sale after Christmas? I picked up the boys ornaments for this Christmas after Christmas although I picked up Baby’s second Christmas ornament for Ky and then later realized that even though he’s 2 it’s really his 3rd Christmas. I figure it will make a funny story when he gets older. J I’m planning on uploading my pictures this weekend and will share some soon.