Thursday, August 19, 2010
I'm not sure where to begin and I don't have a lot of time as I need to log into work and get some things done before I crash, BUT I have been wanting to give you guys an update and just share my heart. Long story short I misscarried....and am honestly at peace. I think the main reason is that I was fearful it was a tubal pregnancy and I was bawling about having to make the decision to have surgery. I'm not sure if that makes sense but I was at peace that I didn't have to make that choice because frankly I don't know that I could have. While i'm sad to have miscarried I think i'm just numb...numb from the series of events over the past month...car accident, tumor that was found to be benign, and miscarriage. Brokeness is the word our pastor used at church on Saturday and it resignanted with me. This past month has brought me to my knees broken, tired, exhausted, in pain, and full of anxiety. Anxiety over my job and just dealing with the stress that has continued to come with it. Chad and I were talking this past weekend and it's been a year now that I've been at corporate and I don't know that I feel that things are any better balanced than they were when I first started. We decided that I would give it until Jan and see what happens but I know that everything that has happened this month has just added to the daily stresses...BUT God has met me and provided me with peace many times over. He has been there as Chad and I prayed for direction on what car to get and opened the right doors for us to find the car I wanted. He has provided direction at work this past week and while I have a lot to accomplish still this week I feel like I have a burst of energy that i haven't had in awhile. Sorry I know i'm all over tonight but when the day is over i'm thankful for the patience He has provided me with this month. I feel like I have grown alot and for that I'm thankful. Tomorrow will be yet another busy day but then I get to hang out with my little men and just love on them and I can't wait!!! Thank you for your prayers! I can't begin to tell you how much they mean to me. (When two or more are gathered in His name...) Blessings!