" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Monday, May 31, 2010

Praying for peace

Tonight I'm headed to the airport and flying out early in the morning! I'm praying I can fall asleep once I get to the hotel. I've been nervous all day and trying to keep my mind occupied. We had a great day with the boys laying low, playing games and just enjoying being together. I did a ton of laundry so Chad doesn't hve to worry about it while I'm gone. I finished packing and re packing and them we went out to dinner because I couldn't stop pacing...lol. My boss and a co worker are flying with me to sc but I'm staying there longer and flying by myself back home. I know in my heart that God is wiser than I am and I know he knows all of my days and while I should find peace I'm that I can't get my head and heart to be in sync and a peace. Quite honestly I don't think it would be so bad if I didn't have my boys but the thought of not being there for them scares me. Please pray for me..that God will give me peace and calmness. It's been so wonderful being home for the past several week but now I'm gone for the next two weeks and I'm strugglig with that. Thankfully I will be home this Sunday but have to leave again on Monday. The great thing is that I will be off for four days in a row the week my sister gets married and I can't wait! We will be taking family pics as this will be the first time in over three years that we will all be together and I can't wait! Well I hope everyone had a wonderful memorial day weeknd. I know we did an are eapecially thankful for all of the men and women who serve our country!

Monday, May 24, 2010

6years and P90:)

This weekend the hubby and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and I enjoyed every minute of our day together. We packed a picnic lunch and headed up north to go hiking for several hours and had a wonderful time together, not to mention a great work out! We talked, laughed, and talked some more. It was warm, sunny, and full of heart filled memories. My favorite part was our picnic lunch by the lake. We drove home and I took a nap them we went to a really nice place for dinner. As we spent the day reflecting on things I thought back to where we spent our anniversary last year. We went away to tennessee and losing mason was still fresh on our minds and hearts. Last year at this time I couldn't get through a day without crying, I had shutdown, and was grasping to find peace. This year as I look back to all we've been through the past year I'm thankful to be where I am at. My heart it full of joy and peace. I'm more in love with my husband then I could possibly imagine! I look into his eyes and my heart still melts. We have been talking and praying for months and have both decided we went to expand our family and plan on trying after my sisitwr gets married next month. We've had some great talks about another baby, some filled with tears, some with smiles, and others revolving around chads concerns of what if. We both agree that God knows where we are and He is the same today as he was yesterday and last year. Not going to lie and say I'm not the least bit nervous because I am, but Im trusting him to be by our side every step of the way. Now I'm more focused then ever to be in better phsical shape.... I was in such better shape last summer which is kind of frustrating, BUT the hubby and I just started doing P90 today and I'm stoked to see how this joirney progresses. We took all of our measurments and pictures! Now I can't wait for our 30 day picture to see the changes. Here is to a great Monday!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Can't sleep

For the past three days I have woken up out of a dead sleep at 2am....and have felt the need to just pray...and so I have. I've tried to go back to sleep each night and just can't..tonight has been no exception. I switched the laundry over, will probaly head to the kitchen shortly, and plan on going for an early jog at 4am :) But my heart is praying and seeking God's direction and waiting. I've never felt so confident of where I am in life but also feel like He is talking to me to do more and He has my full attention. A few weeks ago I mentioned I had a great idea laid on my heart by the Holy Spirit and I've continued to pray for the past few weeks for confirmation and without a doubt I know this is what he wants me to do for Him at the moment. I've been taking quilting classes since Feb. and am loving it but more than that I've had a desire to use that hobby to serve Him. Haiti has long been on my heart as our church works closely with two orphanages in Haiti and has built a hospital, and sends groups there every couple of months. My sister, her fiance, and several of our friends left Haiti the day the big quake hit last year. Since then God has laid the people of Haiti on my heart Heavily! I'm going to make a quilt and sell it....taking all of money and donating it to our mission fund for Haiti. I've thought of making quilts for the orphans we support but they are living in tents right now and I think I could make more money for them by making a quilt and auctioning it off...what do you think? I've never done this before so i'm not sure if I should sell it on ebay...by word of mouth, make a button for my blog, but regardless i'm going to start sewing and get this quilt made. I know He will take care of the details as the quilt is completed. As my morning begins i'm thankful for His patience with me, for his Grace, and for the cross. More and more I've been reminded this week of whose in control and I can tell you right now it's not me. I was driving home last night and heard this.. "i'm not in control, He is,and His wisdom far surpases mine, and because of that I will put my full trust in Him. And I knew I was meant to hear that because I have been struggling with my fear of flying ever since I drove back from SC. I have to fly back the first week in June and then to Kansas City the following week and i've been dreading it...because of course I won't be in control and someone else will be. But then I heard the above blurp on K-Love and God gently reminded me that He can handle my insecurities.