" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Thursday, October 28, 2010


Today was another daybat home...I think I slept until 3:30....praying tomorrow I have some energy. Tonight I've watched the movie Julia/Julia and loved it! It made me want to go out and buy a whole bunch of cookbooks and read them! I then watched Thr Proposal which always reminds me of the years I spent in AK...and now I'm watching New in Town. I don't remember the last time I stayed awake to watch a full movie yet alone three. I'm praying I'm able to fall asleep soon....

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Organizing and more trips to the hospital

Last week was my first week back to work and went relatively well.  I started back with 465 emails but didn't let it get to me as I enjoyed every minute of having my email off while on vacation.  Friday night Chad and I had a dinner date planned but I wasn't feeling very well once I got home from the city. We decided to swing by the hospital and have my protime taken.  I found out my INR was at 1.1.....and had a hard time not being anxious the rest of the evening.  When I am stressed I normally clean and I mean deep clean...so Saturday morning after Bible study I headed to Target and picked up several organizational tools i have been looking at for a while and went full speed ahead at our home....Chad and I got alot done but by the end of the day I was wiped....I'm sure I probably overdid it but it helped keep my mind off of my numbers. Friday evening I had started to cough quite a bit at night and Sat night was the same...by Sunday I was struggling and coughing short dry coughs often.  I started to get a sinus infection last week and thought omw I'm getting pneumonia on top of all of this.  I went in for my pro time on Sunday and found out I was still out of therauptic range...(not good) and Monday provided the same results. By Monday morning I was back at the hospital but my main dr is on vacation this week...which put me in a bit of a panic because I don't trust drs easily and didn't want to deal with someone who didn't know what they are doing. Luckily her backup was great and  heard rumbling in my right lung...and ordered an x-ray and sent me home with meds and decided to treat me as if i had pneumonia because kt would be two days before I received the results. The tricky part is that antibiotics will affect my coumedin.....and right now i think i'm up to eight meds.. Long story short my breathing problems continued to worsen and I ended up back at the hospital yesterday...the dr. and I were concerned that I had a new PE (pulmonary embolism)...they did a chest ct and luckily there are not any new ones in my left lung.  The fact that I've been out of therapeutic levels for seven days though has been concerning on top of the breathing problems.  We got home from the hospital at 7:45 last night and I was back there at 9:30 this am to go to the coagulation clinic....now i'm home and wiped.  I'm hoping to log on to work for a bit tomorrow but just haven't had much energy to much the last few days and have continued to sleep quite a bit.  I'm thankful that I'm getting good treatment but will be glad when this part is over. I've been so anxious about having additional PE's and the large clot in my leg releasing more....because I can't see what it's doing and i've been having the pains I've had it's been kinda stressful trying to real everything in and make sure something isn't being missed.. Well that's my week thus far. I'm getting a little stir crazy, tired of hospitals, walgreen pharmacies, and bad hair days.  I've enjoyed being in sweet pants but am ready to feel better and work out again and just feel like me...without worries about these clots.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Family Vacation

The past ten days have been wonderful.  My dr. released me to go on our family vacation to South Carolina and I was thrilled! My levels were theraputic for three days before we left and she let me go with a page of instructions but I was able to go..Yes! We left Thursday after I got off of work and headed out.  We stopped in Indiana and got up early the next morning to finish the drive to Isle De Palms. Unfortunately I started having chest and shoulder pains that morning and we ended up calling an ambulance while in Tennessee.  I was taken to Mission Hospital and they were fantastic! My oxygen levels were down to 93% so they put me on oxygen for several hours and did a chest CT to make sure there weren't additional clots.  I was relieved that there weren't any and after injections of more meds and my vitals returning to normal they released me.  We were only an hour from my cousins home and decided to stop there for the evening and not go all the way to Isle De Palms.  After a good nights rest we got up and made is to the Isle by lunch time.  The next two days were filled with nothing but time on the beach, sleep, and family time.  That Sunday we had my cousins wedding on the beach...which started at five and was beautiful! We had never been to a beach wedding and thoroughly enjoyed it.  My cousin, Rebecca and I, got up the next morning for a long walk/talk on the beach with our coffee in hand and spent the rest of Monday on the beach with the kids.  I will forever cherish these days of nothing but relaxing and memories made! I know it sounds corny but I have been so looking forward to this time of just peace.  After spending four days in the Isle we spent an afternoon in Charleston exploring and having amazing seafood! We then headed to my cousins house and spent five days with her and her family! My aunt and uncle, and Grams live two blocks from her so it was fantastic to spend time with them.  Rebecca has three kids...twin girls who are five and a boy who is nine.  Noah and Ky had a blast with them and were immediately attached at the hip.  We spent time during the day doing many different things as a family, The Children's Museum (was awesome!..), Clemson Botanical gardens, Boating, and relaxing.  I loved the slow pace and frankly didn't miss work for a minute! In fact I actually dreaded coming back period.  Unfortunately i've struggled to keep my levels theraputic and fell well below the min level on Wednesday and today they are way above...so i'm praying they level off this week.  My arms could sure use a break from all of the bloodwork.  We arrived home last night at about 11 and we all crashed! This morning the boys were up at their normal time and we actually made it to the 9:00 service. I have missed being at church the past few weeks and felt so blessed to be there today!! God speaks through our pastor and today was no exception! My heart was calmed and peace filled me! I've been so anxious driving since everything happened and hope this week goes ok.  I start driving back to the city and am a little nervous about my long car ride.  I could go on and on about our week but am pretty tired and want to have some cuddle time with my men before they get tucked in. Here are few of my favorite pics from our trip! Enjoy:)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Facing my own mortality

Hello my dear blog friends! Well I would love to say things have been quiet and boring but life has been everything but these past two weeks.  Two weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night two a sharp sensation in my leg and I jumped up in bed with sweat pouring all over the place and my ears ringing and not stopping. Poor Chad thought I was dreaming and at the time I thought I somehow twisted something in my sleep.  The odd thing was I have never pulled any muscles and had the reaction of sweat and ears ringing.  It was quite scary but once the ringing subsided I was able to eventually fall back to sleep.  Things were quite for the next week and I really didn't think about it after that.  Then last Sunday my shoulder started hurting..I had this sharp pain in my shoulder that lingered all day and that night my left side of my chest started hurting as well.  I started to get nervous and thought something was wrong with my heart but I'm stubborn and just layed down and massaged my shoulder.  Monday and Tuesday the pain stayed the same and then Tuesday night I thought for sure I was having a heart attached...the pain was ridiculous...I called the nurse on call who told me to hang up the phone and call an ambulance.  I know this sounds ridiculous and I as type this I'm shaking my head and how stubborn and irresponsible my decision was but I decided against calling the ambulance because I do not like the emergency room doctors at the hospital that was open at this time.  There are two hospitals in the town we live in and I prefer one over the other and have had some bad experience with the emergency room.  Anyhow so Tuesday night came and went and Wednesday was the final straw. I was driving home from the city (i drive 1.5 hours each way ) Wednesday evening and the pain shot all over my left and right arm...and my ears started ringing again. I was on the the phone with my mom and immediately pulled over and told her to stay on the phone with me because I thought for sure I was going to lose consciousness.  I made it home but called my family practitioner and made an appt for Thurs am.  Chad took the day off of work to be with me as he was really concerned about leaving me alone...we went to the hospital bright and early and she did an EKG and ruled out right away that there had been any damage to my heart.  I went to the labs for a series of lab work and x-rays and as we were pulling out of the parking lot she called me and told me to head over to the hospital to have a chest CT...as after reviewing everything we had just discussed she had a strong reason to believe that I had a blood clot in my lung.  I was dumbfounded and fear covered my from head to toe.  I prayed the whole drive there all while playing the morning back in my trying to remember if I had told each of the boys how much I loved them...because to be honest I thought for sure I was going to die before they figured out what was wrong with me. You see three years ago a dear friend of mine died of a blood clot and literally fell over and died instantly.  I feared that since I was dealing with these pains for multiple days that i could potentially fall over at any time.....so I cried and really had a hard time just giving it all over to God.  I wish I could have said I was at peace with everything but I wasn't.  I begged and pleaded with God to give me more time...pleaded with him to let me see the boys again to be able to give them another kiss and praying that I could go home and it would all just go away. I was thankful that the doctors got me in STAT everywhere I went that day and by the time I was done with the CT...I literally had time to go to the bathroom, Chad ran to the car to get my phone, and the doctor was on the phone confirming our worst fears..I had multiple blood clots in my lungs.  I lost it...standing in radiology...on the phone with my dr..the tears were pouring down my face and I thought I would crumble right there.  Chad and I headed back to my doctor's office and started discussing my treatment plan.  Thankfully it is something that they can get under the control.. I headed to the Treatment Convention Center shortly thereafter for my first injection of Lovenox and teaching on how to do this at home (yuck) and headed back to the lab for more blood work.  So long story short I'm taking injections of lovenox everyday, cumedin at night, and going to the hospital each day for lab work to check my INR levels.  PTL my INR levels were therapeutic today (2.7) which is great news because I was at a 1.2 yesterday.  Here's the other kicker....so we are supposed to go on our family vacation this Thursday to the Carolinas for 10 days and spend time at a beach house and relax....now with all of the this the question came up if we could even go.  It's still unknown for sure If I can go but I had a great talk with a good family friend today who is a MD and he was very encouraging in that he felt very comfortable with me going since my levels are therapeutic.  I will have to find a hospital where we are staying overnight so I can get my protime taken as well as where we are staying for the week but that seems pretty easy.  But the deciding factor will be on Wed when I meet with my doctor again.  The stubborn part of me says i'm going no matter what because we have been looking forward to this time away for a  year...I've been counting down the days until I can turn off my work email for 10 days and just be with my family and enjoy every minute together. But the realistic part of me knows that I must take care of myself and listen to what the doctors say....i know at the end of the day i want to be here for my boys for a lot longer and don't want to risk something happening while we are driving and put myself in a compromised situation.  So with all of that being said I sit here tonight with a humbled heart....many tears shed...and many hugs and kisses given the past few days. I remember walking Ky to his room last night to tuck him in and enjoying watching the back of his legs walk down the hall and climb into his bed....thankful for the opportunity to tuck him in one more time. Thankful to hear him tell me this morning that he wanted the window down so he could have air on his head..and thankful to watch Noah chase his brother around the house.  I don't know what this week will bring...I am working from home this week until I'm supposed to go on vacation.  They do not want me driving more than 20 minutes by myself just in case something happens... and I'll be honest i'm glad to be close to home this week..  Tomorrow I promise to share the wonderful things we have been experiencing this fall...the apple orchard trips, kindergarten happenings, and many wonderful home cooked meals as a family. Until then thanks for you prayers and listening to my heart.  I know it's been a few weeks since I've posted and I feel like i'm constantly posting crazing happenings but find comfort in journaling my thoughts and getting it all out.  It's also been great for me to read my past posts and see just how far God has brought me over the past two years...even through all of the challenges we have faced His love has prevailed and we have grown not only as a family in so many ways but I've grown in so many ways. Blessings!