Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Well gotta run and get us packed up as we are planning on heading home soon to check on our home. Keep your fingers crossed that the power is up and running!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Ever since I moved to Wisconsin I have heard so many good things about Door County Wisconsin. I've always wanted to go and haven't been able to, unless you count my thirty minute drive through a few months ago, until now. A couple of weeks ago my dear friend Jill, her mom, and I packed up and started our journey north. We started out on the unofficial wine tour 2009 part two. Excited doesn't even begin to describe how thrilled I was to embark on our trip. We had met earlier that week and planned our excursion...the plan to visit 13 wineries in two days while exploring door county. Our first stop, Cedarburg Wisconsin...Cedar Creek Winery. I LOVED IT!!! Cedarburg is the cutest town with so many adorable shops. The winery was amazing and I enjoyed listening to Jane, our hostess, share information with us about all of the wines we tried. There was also this adorable pottery shop along with many other shops in the same buidling but we weren't able to visit all of them. I did make a mental note that I want to go back and spend the day exploring this town as it is so darn cute. We headed to Vine to Cellar next but they didn't open until noon...which was unfortunate but didn't burst our bubble:) Off we went to Trout Springs. Now let me tell you how hilarious this place was. The wine was extremely sweet and I actual enjoyed trying the dryer, bold red wines more. They also had this amazing salmon patte that I wish I would have bought! The funny part was their driveway, or lack of one. Poor Jill had to park on a tilt on the side of their driveway. It was a site watching us all try to get in and out of her car. I think we were all holding our breath that the car wouldn't tip. Thankfully it didn't and from there we headed to lunch. We found this fun brewery that had great wisconsin burgers and wraps, which was perfect! After lunch we went to Ledgestone Winery, which is one of my favorite locations. The owner did a great job with the building and he has a variety of wines from all over the world, including the wines he makes. While we all decided our favorite wine was Inkberry, an amazing red Austrailian wine, my favorite part was when we were leaving and I opened the car door and went to get in the car and realized it wasn't our car. That's right I was having so much fun and laughing that I wasn't even paying attention to what car I was getting into and opened a car that wasn't even ours. I completely lost it and couldn't stop laughing...what was even funnier was that Jill and her mom were calling for me and then realized what I did. We were in histerics laughing after that. And so the memory making weekend continued. Next on our stop, Parrallel 44...a neat yellow italian looking building in the middle of a corn field in the middle of nowhere. It was at this winery that I stumbled across the first port I have ever liked. It didn't have any brandy in it and it was esquisite! We took a few more pictures and headed off towards Von Stiel Winery. I have been to this winery before and love the selection of wine they have! I'm not kidding I think they have over 30 wines to choose from. My favorite wine from this winery is a red wine called, Naughty Girl. It is fantastic with pasta, burgers, and fajitas! We finished our tasting here and headed into sturgeon bag (door county)..excited doesn't even begin to explain how thrilled I was!! We picked up Sonny's pizza, which was to die for and headed to Jill's grandmas. Her grandma was so sweet! By the time we got there it was about 5:30 and I was exhausted!! I could have so crashed but we had dinner and went to see her cousin in a play at the local high school. I really enjoy plays and was looking forward to watching the musical but as soon as we sat down I crashed and I don't mean got comfortable...I literally fell aslepp, head bobbinh in all!!! I felt horrible and tried my best to stay awake. I felt so old at that moment and was laughing inside at just hold old and tired I felt. We went back to her grandmas afterward and I was out in minutes. Sunday morning we got up and headed to Door County Coffee shop...my dream coffee!!! The flavors they have make my mouth water and it was so hard to pick two pounds. We all settled on a peanut butter mocha which was a great way to start our day. The sun was shining and the day was perfect for shopping. We found a neat candle shop more wineries and then headed in the car for a complete tour of door county. I have to say that my favorite spot was Cape Point!!! Breathtaking doesn't even begin to describe it, but the drive was so worth it. Overall the weekend was filled with laughter, great company, and wine teasting galor. I can't wait to go back with Chad and the boys and explore more. I have a feeling Door County is going to become one of those places we visit often. Here are a few pics from my weekend!
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Today has been a busy but peaceful day. It started off on a soccer field and was so cold we canceled the game. The kids practiced for 20 minutes but then we headed home. I got up early went to the gym and then did some Christmas shopping before the boys' game. In between running around, tricker treating, and watching a movie, I've had a lot of time to think and have come to several conclusions:
* I must workout every day! I say this because I can tell when I don't I get worked up easier, don't have a whole lot of patience, and working out is a healthy release for me.
* I have addiction tendoncies..i'm not even sure if this is the correct way of sayign what I want to, but bare with me. I come from a family that has addiction tendancies...my father and grandfather are both alcholics, my sister has an eating disorder, my brother is a recovering drug addict, and the list continues. I am very aware of these behaviors in our family and am very conscious that I too could be one step away from falling into alcohlism if i'm not careful. I've been thinking about this alot today and in looking back over the past month and a half..i went from working out at least 4 days a week to 0..when I got my cast on my foot the workouts came to a screaching halt..and with that halt came another vice if you will...eating. I have always struggled with emotionally eating....or just eating when I'm bored, but mostly it's eating when i'm upset about it and don't know/or want to feel what I'm feeling. These past 6 weeks not only have I strayed from WW (weight watchers) and tracking my points, but I have started to indulge in sweets more than I have in the past 6 months... so much so that today I decided i'm addicted to chocolate and need to just not eat it. I'm not saying this to sound funny or dramatic but I honestly know that for me I'm not good at saying I will only have one piece...one turns into two, two to four and so on. It doesn't matter if it's a cookie, brownie, ice cream...and if i'm being honest, which that is why I have this blog, I have indulged in more that one chocolate item almost every day for the past two weeks and it makes me mad. So much so that today I took the control back and decided to not have chocolate for the next 365 days. I want to see if I can do it... i don't want an item of food to hold this type of control over me and it stops today. So I made it..my first day without anything chocolate and I'm back to tracking my points and had a fantastic workout this morning! Now i know this is going to be hard for me but i'm gonig to take one day at a time and make an effort to journal (blog) my feelings more than push them down.
* I miss having parents. My mom is one of my best friends, but frankly I've parented her since I can remember. I haven't spoken to my dad in over three years and prior to that we spoke for 6 months and before that we hadn't spoken in over 2 years. I remember being a daddy's girl when I was little...I adored him and wanted to be just like him. I strived to make him proud and was intent on his every word. When I was 10 he went overseas to fight in the desert storm and came back a changed person. He became an alcohlic and as the years progressed so did his addiction and his addiction turned abusive in many ways. He went back overseas for another tour to Afg and IQ for 2 1/2 years and was wounded. We reconnected via emial while he was overseas and we began talking to each other once he got back to the states.. Unfortunately things happened and we now don't speak. Today I missed him...the dad I knew as a child. I miss having a parent to go to for advice..a parent to lean on... just something that was on my heart today.
* I adore my husband- I really do. Even when we argue over the dumbest things like, "why didnt you put the house keys on the peg by the door"... I just love him. I'm so thankful God brought him into my life.
* I miss Mason... I saw our dears friends and their son C, who would have been 3 weeks younger than Mason...and my heart wept. I wonder what he would have looked like at 3 months, whose temperment he would have... I just miss him.
* I love Sundays...it our day of rest and I try really hard not to do a whole lot and just look forward to them.
We took the boys out for Halloween and went to several friends/family so they could see them dressed up. It was a lot of fun, but I know understand why mom's often get minivans! I still don't want one but appreciate them a little more after jumping in and out of the explorer today. The boys crashed once we got home and Chad and I watched the movie Duplicity. I really liked it but had a hard time following it and was completely thrown off by the ending. I'm going to have to watch it again and pick up what I missed. Now i'm ready to finally crash! I couldn't about an hour ago and thought I'd write a bit and it seems to have calmed my busy brain down. Here are a fews pics from tonight.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
It's been a busy couple of weeks! We were in Chicago two weeks ago for the Chicago marathon and that was a blast! My sister Ash ran in it and we were so excited to be there to support her. We stayed at a friend's loft downtown and it was perfect! There was 6 of us there to watch her and we had a lot of fun making our way around the city. My aunt and cousins came up from the burbs and we got to do lunch and some shopping with them which was a blast!
Last week i went to Greenville for the day and that was fun! I got to fly on the corporate jet which was an experience. I felt like a little kid and couldn't sleep the night before because i was so excited. Greenville was warm but I didn't get to see much of the city since I was in meetings all day.
This weekend my hubby turns the big 30! I have been planning a surprise party for him with our families and a surprise dinner in two weeks with our close friends and can't wait to see the look of surprise on his face! He loves Star Wars and I don't so I thought it would be perfect to have a Star Wars theme for his 30th! I bought the cutest Lego star wars shirts for the boys to wear and all kinds of decor for the house! It should be a fun filled day and we have tomorrow of to spend time together which will be so nice.
Right now i'm just enjoying the last bit of fall before it starts snowing! I'm hoping to make some pumpkin scones today and find my favorite pumpkin for decoration! I got it at an apple orchard last year and packed it away some place good! We took the boys to a pumpkin farm yesterday and had a wonderful time picking out their pumpkins and carving them at home. I never carved pumpkins when I was little so it was a whole new experience! Overall the past couple of weeks have been so busy but fun. We are busy straight through Thanksgiving but with so many fun things to do. I love spending time with our family and friends and making memories as we go. Above are a few pics from the past few weeks that I thought you would enjoy!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
I love fall!!! It is my favorite season! I could wear a sweatshirt and jeans every day and be content. I love the smell of leaves burnging, apple orchards, sweet corn, leaves changing colors, crisp mornings, and coffee on the porch. These are just a few of my favorite things about fall. This weekend my friend Michelle and I took the boys to my favorite apple orchard and had a wonderful time! The boys loved having their picture taken and we made a stop in the cafe before we left for some warm apple cider, apple cider donuts, and apple pie! It was a wonderful day trip after church and we made it home in time for naps:) This week is turning out to be insanely busy but I'm trying to stay positive and hoping to get my cast off on Wed. This weekend Chad and I are going to Chicago to watch my sister run in the Chicago Marathon! We are so excited for her and to top that she just got engaged yesterday!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
It's been a wonderful week! Let me back up though and fill you in on my wine tour that I went on with my girfriend from Alaska! Here's where it gets comical..so I am horrible with Wisconsin geography. I can barely tell you where I live let alone direct you to any major city beside Madison or Milwaukee...and I just figured out four years ago that Milwaukee is east of where I live and not west lol! Well anyway I have a wine tour map and was going to put together a list for my friend D and I so she knew which wineries we were going to go to. I planned on going to a few that I had gone to a couple of months ago with my friend Jill. I thought they were by "the lake". Well the week of our tour I couldn't find my map and my friend D called to confirm we were still going to get together. I told her I couldn't find my map but wanted to give her the list so she knew where we were going. She had one and rattled off a few names and said they are by "the lake" right? I agreed and we made plans to get together bright and early Sat morning. She picked me up, we stopped at my favorite coffee shop and off we went. As i'm looking at her list of wineries I realize that none of them except for one are the ones I was thinking about and frankly they didn't ring a bell. When I opened her map I realized "the lake" she was talking about was Sturgeon Bay and not Lake Michigan which come to find out is no where near the wineries I was talking about to begin with. Long story short our get together was amazing and we laughed so hard, it was great!
This week was a busy one but wonderful! Work is going well, we had our first parent teacher conference for Noah, the boys had a soccer this morning, and tomorrow we are going to an apple orchard after church. Oh and we met a couple at church two weeks ago and have been talking to them after church the last two weeks and I think we might get together sometime! I'm so excited because we really don't have any close friends at our church and I have been praying that we would meet a couple that we could do stuff with!
Tonight Chad is having a few buddies over so i'm going to be hanging out in my family room, organizing my calendar, our google calendar, and my menu for the week~! I'm also reading Crazy Love for Bloom and need to catch up on my posts there as well. All in all it's busy right now but i'm loving every minute of it. Fall is my favorite season so i'm eating up the sweatshirt weather, apples, pumkin butter, and leaves changing.
Here are some recent pics I thought you might like! Have a Blessed weekend.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I was reading Angie's blog today and stumbed across incourage and am excited to go back and check it out. http://www.incourage.me/ I think it's a great place to check in with others and gain great advice, comfort, friends, ideas, and more.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
First off...thank you so much for your prayers about my new job! God has truly blessed me with this opportunity and every day I'm at my new job He continues to affirm this is where He wants me. I've enjoyed getting to know the ladies I work with as well as coworkers in different depts that I work with on a daily basis. I found out on Friday that I get to fly on our corporate jet in October to go visit one of our DCs for the day. I'm so exited!!
Aside from work, I've had a wonderful weekend with the family. We went to a state park on Sat and enjoyed our time as a family. I brought a good book, a WW cookbook, my favorite sweatshirt blanket and relaxed!!! It was really windy but the boys had a blast playing in the sand and ran off a lot of energy. Today was priceless!! We went to church this morning, dropped the boys off at my mom's for some Grandma time and Chad and I had lunch together and ran a few errands. We came home and I took a nap while he mowed the lawn then I went and picked the boys up from my moms. Noah helped me wash the explorer and he and I spent a couple of hours just chatting while I vaccummed, and cleaned the explorer from top to bottom! Chad then helped me replant some of Mason's plants we were given at his funeral. Chad was so sweet to replant them by our deck a few months ago but I'm afraid they are going to die when the frost comes, so we replanted them in pots today. Now I just need to find some plant stands... I made some delicious smoothies for Chad and I for dinner and then enjoyed a glass of wine on the deck after it got dark. The boys came out to sit with me and we had a wonderful time chatting and looking at the stars. Today has been one of those days where the little things have meant so much and truly touched my heart.
This week is going to be busy but fun!!! I work in Chicago tomorrow and Tuesday, at home part of Wednesday and then Chad and I are off to Chicago to meet up with my best friend Carm, her husband Sean, and their two kids A and C. They are moving to Europe and have a 37 hour layover in Chicago!! We are so excited to be able to spend the time with them and have a couple of fun things planned. I will so miss having my best friend state side. We've been blessed to have been able to see each other 4 times this year and it will be hard being apart for so long, but I'm so thankful for skype! Then on Sat. Chad and I are going to Galena and meeting up with his best friend and wife for the weekend and enjoy their company. So it should be a lot of fun. The boys are going to stay with one of my dear friends from work over the weekend and I know they will have a blast with her and her husband!! Well I have a few more things I'm hoping to get done before I crash! I hope everyone has a great Monday.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
His grace runs after me
I give it all to you
At the cross I bow my knee
You are my desire
Your Glory fills the highest place
Your hand upholds me
God is big enough to handle all of our doubts
I have had so many doubts.....so many doubts through this whole experience but now I have hope, peace, and His hand upholding me. It's not easy and I'm not even going to pretend to have all of the answers, but I can tell you this....I am only where I am at today because of HIM! It is because of Him that I can smile again, play with my kids, love my husband, and so much more. Because friends I could not do it...nope not at all. If it was up to me I would still be where I was six months ago...in pain...deep pain..numb...and hopeless. I am not capable of giving myself the peace that I feel, I'm not able to mend my heart, and if it was up to me I probaly wouldn't have been back at church today. But He is soverign and big enough for all of my doubts...big enough for everything I've experienced and He still loves me the same. Not only does he love me He has helped me get to a place that I never thought I'd be. I'm not saying that I'm never going to have a bad day, panic attack, angry day, and more, but when I do He will continue to be there to hold my hand and walk me through each moment. I pray that whatever circumstance you may be in that you will reach out and hold onto His hand....and let Him walk you through.
On a quick side note...I tried a new recipe tonight that I got from my Taste of Home Magazine..."Mexican Lasagna..and it's amazing!! I'll post the recipe soon. I even took a few pics to share. It's my new fav recipe. Have a blessed evening!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Well I had posted a question post a few days ago and did get a few good ones from Erika and thought I would share the answers~!
1. What is your favorite dinner recipe?
A- Right now it is Spagetti Pizza Bake. It's a WW recipe that I love and it tastes amazing!
2 spray(s) olive oil cooking spray
12 oz uncooked whole-wheat pasta, spaghetti
2 large egg white(s)
1 large egg(s)
2/3 cup(s) fat-free skim milk
3/4 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp table salt
1 1/2 tsp dried oregano
1/4 cup(s) basil, fresh, chopped (plus extra leaves for garnish)
9 oz shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese, divided
32 oz bottled spaghetti sauce
2 oz pepperoni, finely julienned (about 1/2 cup)
Preheat oven to 400ºF. Coat a 9- X 13-inch glass baking dish with cooking spray; set aside.
Break spaghetti into 2-inch pieces and cook, al dente, according to directions; drain and cool.
Meanwhile, in a large bowl, beat egg whites and egg until frothy. Stir in milk, garlic powder, salt, oregano, basil and 1/3 of mozzarella; add cooked spaghetti and stir until thoroughly combined. Spread spaghetti mixture evenly in bottom of baking dish. Bake for 15 minutes; remove from oven. Reduce oven temperature to 350ºF.
Spread spaghetti sauce over pasta; sprinkle with remaining cheese. Scatter pepperoni evenly over cheese layer. Return to oven and bake until heated through and cheese is bubbly, about 30 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes, garnish with basil and then cut into 10 servings. Yields 1 slice per serving.
It's amazing and healthy!!! Let me know if you try it, what you think.
2. What is my favorite wine?
A. I have soo many but right now my favorite is from a winery in WI called, Black Meade and it is a Blueberry wine. It's extremly smooth and amazing!
3. How did your hubby propose?
A. I love this story although some of you might find it cheesy, it's so special to me. Chad got my sister Ashley to help with this and did it in a way that I wouldn't even have suspected it. We went to Applebeese for lunch one afternoon and my sister worked at this Applebees at the time and we always requested her to be our server. This was like any other time (or so I thought)...Chad ordered a combo meal, where you get the meal, and a dessert which I thought was a little weird because he never does but he said we could share and I love getting their deserts. We ate our meal and Chad put his order in for desert. I ran to the bathroom, came back, and Ashley set Chad's desert in front of me. I wasn't paying attention to it and reminded her it was Chad's. It was then that I looked down...and in whipped icing were the words "Will you Marry ME" around the plate? I was in shocked and think I even screamed...I look up at Chad and he has the ring out and reaches across the table to ask me if I will marry him. He was so nervous he forgot to get down on one knee, but at that point I didn't even care. I thought it was so special that he had included my sister in something so exciting and did it in a way that I would never suspect. I of course said yes:) I couldn't stop looking at my hand the rest of the day and probaly looked narcistic walking around town beaming.
Well I'm off to get ready for the day. I hope everyone has a blessed day and enjoy the little things today...it's those things that really make a day special!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Well if you think about it please pray for me today that my first day will go well and I won't hit to much construction on the way into the Chicago. Can't wait to update you on my first day:)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I'm been trying to think of ways to become more engaged with my readers and thought I would open comments from now until Friday night for any questions you might have for me. I'm a pretty open book and would love to answer any questions you might have. So please leave any questions you have and I will answer them on Saturday.
We have NO plans this weekend and for that I'm truly thankful! I'm thinking of making it a pajama weekend!!! We haven't had one in a very long time and I think now might be a great opportunity for one.
If there is anything I can pray about for you specifically please fell free to email me or leave a comment. I would be honored to pray for you.
Monday, August 3, 2009
This weekend was amazing and bittersweet. First of all it was the first weekend in a long time that I didn't work AT ALL and it was fantastic!!!! I think I forgot what a weekend was really supposed to be like and this past one truly blessed me. My girlfriend, Jill, from work and I have been planning on a Wine Tour 2009 and this weekend was the start of it. There are currently 35 wineries registered in the state of Wisconsin and we have made it our goal to visit each of them within the next year. Saturday was our first day and boy was it an adventure! We started at Mocha Moments my favorite coffee shop and enjoyed an amazing cup of coffee and the best sugar free blueberry muffins ever!!! We then went to five wineries; AppleBarn, Slatter Winery, Appeltreow, Mason Creek Winery, and Northleaf Winery. Each winery had wonderful wine and the people who owned them had a lot of neat information to share. Northleaf is my favorite and I frequent there often, so much so that when we stopped in the owner told me that they were out of my favorite wine. :) I had never been to the other wineries and was excited to learn about each of them. I fell in love with many of the wines at the first winery and Jill helped me remain practical and told me she was going to buy one bottle per winery, Chad was so excited when I got home and told him I had only purchased 4 bottles. :) The girl at Apple Barn told us about Slatter Winery which wasn't on our map and I'm so glad she did. The couple who own it started it as a hobby and because it was an expensive hobby they decided to open their own winery and grow their grapes here in Wisconsin. In my opinion they had the most variety and I could have easily bought almost every wine, luckily they aren't too far away and I'll be sure to visit them again. Now let me tell you about Appeltreow and Charles!! Appeltreow carries wine that is made from apples and pears and the owner Charles was so knowledgable but also corky. He reminded me of the guy from Honey I shrunk the kids and was so hilarious! When we got on the subject of apples and I was trying to tell him my favorite apple and couldn't spit it out he says, "you like Honey Crisp apples don't you" which are my favorite and then he proceeds to tell me that "I loathe Honey Crisp"...it was right then and there that I almost toppled over laughing. He gave Jill and I a very informative lesson on apples and the many different kinds of apples. Alas we were sad to go but enjoyed the amazing cheeses and wines he had to share. We then drove to Mason Creek Winery and as we started sampling the wine the hostess asked if one of our names was Mimi...and I was stunned and said yes that's me. Sure enough Charles had called ahead and let her know that he forgot to give my my check card back. Yep I almost stopped breathing!!! Luckily we were only 40 minutes away. So we stayed at Mason Creek no more than ten minutes tried all of the wine, purchased our bottle and back to Appeltreow we headed. I forgot to share our lunch story with you....so we were starving after Appeltreow and I used my GPS to find out what restaurants were near by and we decided to go to a place called Rock and Robin Bar and Grill. We pulled up and the name had been changed to "It's All About Us"...so we went in had a seat and ordered out food. The best part was that on one of the walls was a picture of two ladies, one with blonde hair, one with brown and they were toasting a glass of wine!!! What a perfect place to have lunch. We of course had to ask for a picture and made a spectal of ourselves but it was well worth it.
All in All Jill and I had a blast and couldn't stop laughing on many occasions. My GPS, Victoria, got us a little lost in the town of Burlington and we were cracking up as we were trying to find our way back to society...note to self never get lost in Burlington! We made it home by 5:00 with smiles on our faces and a bag full of snacks that I had packed/overpacked. Yes, I'm a mom and packed like we were going away for a weekend.
Sunday I got up early because Noah decided to call 911 and give me the phone after he was done talking to MS Trisha...yep that's right. It was 7:12 am and I hung up the phone because I'm so not coherent when awoken out of a dead sleep, only to have the number call me back and tell me they were the 911 dispatcher and wanted to make sure everything was ok. No sooner did I hang up the phone then my doorbell rang and there was an officer there making sure we were alright. I was so embarrassed and realize Noah didn't realize what pressing the star button on my phone would do, but he now knows not to call the police anymore. I decided to go for a run and it was great! Chad and I had a date lunch and then headed over to Home Depot to look around and talk about my ideas for the "Boys' Garden" and other corner in our back yard that I am going to redo. Did I mention I don't have a green thumb and have never had any interest in doing any type of landscaping until recently? Well now i'm interested and can't get the ideas out of my head. Chad is being great and pacifying me by listening and looking at ideas with me. Lucky for him most of the planting in the back won't take place until next spring but I still have a lot of clean up to do to prepare. Sunday afternoon we went up north to see baby Connor. My girlfriend Michelle and Craig had baby Connor on Friday. She is my dear friend who shared her pregnancy with me right after I found out I was pregnant with Mason and right away we made so many plans for our maternity leave together. Their son is beautiful and I enjoyed spending a couple of hours at the hospital with them and holding him. He's absolutely precious and adorable! I can't wait to love on him as they have loved on our children all these years. They are Noah's godparents but love Kylan just the same. Kylan has a special bond with "Uncle Craig" and it is so special to watch. I enjoyed talking with Michelle and listening to how she was doing. We came home, put the boys to bed and watched the new Fast and the Furious movie, which I loved!!! It wasn't until we headed to bed that the tears came...and didn't stop. It was then that I finally let it out. How I miss Mason so much....so much and long for nothing more than to just hold him if even for one more second. Words can't describe the ache that never goes away and the heaviness my arms often feel. I so wish I had him here now to hold, to love, to take care of. These past weeks have been great and God is truly keeping His Healing hand on me, but my dear friends the ache is still there, the mom in me still and will always miss my son. This weekend just reminded me how much. I'm so thankful for Connor and glad that Michelle and Craig have been blessed with a beautiful baby boy. I'm so excited for them and the new journey of parenthood that they are now experiencing, as they will be great parents!!! I want to support them and love them as they have loved us through our journey as parents, but I also grieve for the months I won't have with my baby, home with Michelle, hanging out and making special memories. I ache for the moments I will never have. I ache to hear my baby's cry. The tears stream down my face as I think of him and how precious he is to me. I remember holding his tiny frail body and wishing I could breathe life back into him. I can't and honestly it sucks...it really sucks. Michelle and I have had some wonderful conversations and she asked if I still struggle with Why and honestly there are days when I do...days when I ask Why...Why me, Why him, Why now? I don't believe I will ever know those answers this side of eternity and I try so hard to Rest in Him and friends I tell you that it is only by His Grace that I do have peace and have been able to breathe, laugh, and enjoy life again, but that doesn't mean there aren't hard days. IT's just that now the hard days don't consume me the way they did before.
I pray you have a blessed week. My below post for McLinky shares one of my favorite Bible Verses. It has brought me much comfort and peace and is where I choose to rest my life and the lives of my family. He knows the plans HE has for us and I choose to give him my life and let Him mold it into something beautiful. IF I were to try I would end up with a broken pot, but know He can makes something beautiful out of my brokeness.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
It's great to be home tonight! I've been working late the past two nights and decided to work from home tonight so that I can spend some time with the boys before logging back in and going to the airport. They made me this beautiful stepping stone for Mother's Day and gave it to me today..I'll have to take a picture and post...it's so adorable! So a couple of weeks ago I started Thankful Thursday and then totally forgot about it...lol.. But here are a few things I'm thankful for this week:
* My best friend Carmen
* Clean water
* Baked Lays
* My boys' laughter
I hope everyone has a great weekend!! Please email or message me with any prayer requests. Prayer is so powerful and it is truly something I feel called to do for others. God BlesS!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tonight I'm wide awake and can't sleep..should be and wish I could but can't. You see my company has been working with our parent company for the past 6 months on integrating under one umbrella and I was approached a couple of weeks ago about a job at our corporate headquarters in Chicago. I've gone through three interviews and they
all went very well. My to be manager is in Ireland this week but I'm supposed to hear back from her this coming Monday. I'm patiently waiting but am struggling on waiting! Patience has never been my strong point but I know God is teaching me to trust and wait on Him and this is the perfect example/opportunity to do just that. I keep hearing the song in my head..."While I'm waiting I will serve you..." I know He has an amazing plan for our family and I'm excited to see it revealed but am also a little nervous at all of the change this opportunity will bring to our family. So please be praying for us as we wait to see what God has in store. I truly feel after much prayer that this is where he wants me right now and am trusting that the details will all fall into place.
Lastly I watched the movie Fireproof with Carm while she was here and Wow!! It was really amazing...had so many good points and truly humbled me. I'm so excited to watch it with Chad as I think any marriage can gain wisdom from watching it. We are blessed to have a wonderful marriage and I'm so thankful to have a husband who is so supportive. I recommend this movie to everyone and can't wait to watch it again.
Well I'm finally starting to get tired but wanted to write a bit and let my thoughts out. I can't believe tomorrow is Thursday...today was my Monday so I'm all mixed up.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
1. Being able to carry Mason for 5 months
3. The ability to run and let my emotions out.
4. Talking to God whenever I want to.
5. My childrens' smiles
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
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Monday, July 6, 2009
Chad and I both woke up this morning wondering why we didn't take the day off...?!!! We had a wonderful long weekend, but it was so full of fun times we didn't do a lot of relaxing..:) Yesterday we went to my mom's for a 4th of July party with my siblings. It was so much fun! MY sisters' roomates from college were in town and came with her and we had some great laughs! I had a long day at work, after being out with the flu last week, but I'm so thankful for my job so I can't complain. I came home to a clean house. My husband blesses me each day with all that he does for our family!! Here are a few pictures from our wonderful week. Enjoy!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
So....Monday afternoon I called her and just lost it. I asked her what she meant when she said she had her own opinion on how one should handle things, because if she was speaking to how I am handling the death of my son she has no place to speak nor does she understand what i'm going through and in my opinion has no basis for how she thinks one should handle that....and of course that is what she was talking about. She told me that one has to want to get better and it's a choice to do what you need to do to get back to normal again...And that is where I stopped her and lost it. I told her that I was sick of hearing her constantly push getting back to "normal" on me, I didn't just fall off a bike and am trying to get back up. My son died....he is gone... MY normal right now is aching to hold him for just one more day, my normal right now is looking at the calendar knowing my due date is right around the corner, my normal is grieving the plans I had for the summer that no longer exist, my normal is going over catalogs to pick out his gravestone. I am not saying that I haven't had good days, that I am not enjoying my life, that I am not finding joy in experiences, but what I'm saying is that the person I was before is no more. The death of my son has forever changed my life. While I am taking one day at a time and alot of time an hour at a time I know at some point I will be more comfortable with my "adjusted normal", but right now i'm still trying to figure out what that is. So that was my Monday and it wasn't good. I then came home and Chad and I had a long talk and he is struggling with where I am at. He is struggling in that it pains him to see me have a good day, then have a day where I'm bawling, or cranky, or angry, or a little bit of everything, and he doesn't know how to fix it. And that pains me but unfortunately I can't tell him just give me another month and I'll be good to go. That is hard for me because i've always been one to try and control my emotions and turn them on and off when it is "appropriate". Mason's death has taught me that I can be vulnerable for a long period of time and it's ok. So Tuesday I had an appointment with Wendy (my counselor) and it was a hard session but good. She affirmed how i'm feeling and said that while she completely understands what Chad is saying I would only hurt myself if I turned my emotions off right now and just stopped dealing with them and I agree. Chad has been so incredibly supportive....I just wish it wasn't so hard explaining how I feel....he listens but I know he doesn't understand becase his grieving process has been so different and I think it is for men. Well the week just went downhill from there and i'm exhausted emotionally and physically.
Luckily today is going to be a special day and i'm looking forward to it. My sister Ash, just graduated from college and part of her present is a morning at the spa. She's coming over at 9:00 and we are going to our favorite coffee shop for breakfast then heading to the spa for a massage followed by a pedicure. I'm looking forward to relaxing and having time with her. She is so special to me and i'm so blessed to have her as my sister. I'm so thankful for my large family. Ash and I have grown so close over the years and i'm really enjoying being great friends and not just sisters anymore..if that makes sense.
The rest of the day will be busy, cleaning, grocery shopping, and unfortunately back to work for a few hours. I'm traveling to Corporate on Monday and have a lot to do before I leave early Monday morning. We are going out of town tomorrow for Father's Day so I need to get everything done today.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and father's day! God Bless.