Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Having a moment
This week is going to be a rough week! We go live with our integration next week and there is so much yet to be done and honestly i just feel drained at this moment. If i'm being honest..nothing specific triggered it, it's not a milestone date, it's just a moment where I feel weak, tired, sad, and empty. I know an hour from now i'll be fine...i know tomorrow will be better, but at this moment i'm angry...I'm angry that Mason isn't here...i'm angry that I struggle often, I'm angry that some days it just feels so hard to be here, I'm angry that my life can't go back, I'm angry. The tears keep welling...my husband knows i'm having a moment and asks if I need/want to go talk to W...but I don't. Don't get me wrong she has been a great tool in my life but right now i'm just feeling....and I know that's part of it...but i'm tired of the feeling, the good days, great days, putting it on paper, and even going back and forth through all of the motions. It's just draining and even though I'm ok writing about it because in all honestly I don't have to go to work and see any of you tomorrow, I don't have to feel like I need to explain or re explain or apologize after I have my moment and that makes it easier, because i'm exhausted just talking to those I care about and see on a daily basis...it's draining... I love my friends, family, have wonderful co workers, but I feel like i'm grasping for straws some days trying to come up with something funny to say, or even just put on a smile and keep up with the conversation at hand. Again this isn't every day just some days, some day is today...and today I just wish I could run away.