Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Friendships, Grace, Grief
It's been a while since I posted and alot has happened. As I sit here tonight my heart is heavy but also thankful at the same time. I have a dear friend who I have know for almost six years...we have been through alot together and she has been my prayer warrior so many times through out the years. She has prayed for me daily and I know this because she tells me but I always know when I'm having a bad day I will hear from her via email or a phone call, because I kid you not the Holy Spirit always leads her to reach out to me. My dear friend has health problems so bad that I haven't seen her much in person over the past year because it is so painful for her to walk across a room. Three days ago she sent me a simple email...have time for coffee? I was excited to make plans with her but also weary as each time I've tried to make plans with her over the past year she has canceled or forgotten. I don't fault her as I know she has her reasons, but I've missed seeing her and sharing our lives with each other. Well today came and she didn't cancel and for an hour and a half we shared our lives and caught up a bit more than our short emails we exchange. And our time was blessed! You see even though we haven't been able to sit down and talk in person for a long time at least not more than 10 minutes when I stop over to her office for a quick hello, she knows my heart...so much so that when she listened to Selah's new CD and heard Audrey's song she cried for me and prayed that God would carry me and knew that I needed to listen to that song....so she tried to figure out a way to get the song to me at the right time...She was going to email Chad to buy it for me and give it to me...then she decided to get it for me and invite me to coffee even though just getting out of the car and walking to the coffee table caused her pain she wanted me to hear it and then when she opened her bag to give it to me she got choked up because she had forgotten the cd at home and so badly wanted me to hear the song.... And you know what the sweet thing is...I follow Angie's blog and know exactly what song it is because I listened to it on her website and cried my eyes out. I'm thankful to have a friend who can share her life with me, the good and the bad, and pray for me even when I don't ask. Today I was blessed by her heart and thankful to sit and let the tears pour as I got real with a very dear friend and it was ok. I cried with her as she shared the pain she is going through in her life and after we were done sharing we talked about God's hand in our lives and both agree that while we didn't choose these chapters we are going to let Him lead us through them. I sit here now with the tears pouring down my face because honestly for the past few weeks i've just been in go mode and the feelings turned off....I've been going and going and honestly doing good but not letting myself think too far past that to the loss I still feel deep in my heart. I'm so thankful that God knew we needed each other and without me even knowing it we both had a chance to share and be comforted by one another. She has lost dear friendships through her suffering and can totally relate to some of things I feel/say and it was refreshing to say them and not second guess what I was saying. I have more to share....our trip to Chicago, to Galena, and Noah's first day at school, but am going to stop here for now and the words aren't coming.