" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Thursday, October 15, 2009

National Day of Miscarriage and Infant Loss

As I sit here and type the tears stream down my face. My heart breaks as I remember my precious son Mason and the day I lost him. It is one of those moments that will forever be etched in my memory and never be forgotten. I remember the days after...his funeral...leaving the hospital without him, crying, screaming out to God why? I remember the numbness and the subsequent pain that consumed me for many days/months to follow. I'm so thankful for my precious friends who stood by me as I grieved and tried so hard to put the pieces together. I'm so thankful for their love, patience and support. Beyond that I give all of the Glory to God, because friends I know without Him I would not be here today, and I don't write that to be dramatic but to share the truth. While what I experienced was terrifying it would have been horrific if I had not know Christ and had Him to be my stronghold. There were many many days where I couldn't get out of bed...and everything was hard...there were more bad days then good and it was here that HE met me. It was here that He literally helped me get through those angry tears of anguish and it make it another day. Slowly the bad days turned to good days, and the good days turned to great...the saying one step forward two steps back became very true. But it felt so good to laugh again and to be able to mother my children at home. For quite some time after Mason died I shutdown and just couldn't function. I never questioned where Mason was but I sure asked Why alot. I find peace today knowing that God's plan for my life is perfect, I know he cried/cries with me on those bad days, I know He is holding my son now, I know my son is experiencing a life in Heaven I can't wait to have, I know one day we will be reunited, I know until then I will rejoice in my Father's love and calling for my life. I will do my best to love my children, family and friends with the love of Christ that He has showered on me. I will have bad days even still but know in the midst of them He is the same today, yesterday and tomorrow. He is who i trust and for me...that is enough. I pray for all of you who have experienced the loss of a child. I now share in that loss and my heart is truly burdened for you. God has brought so many amazing women into my life via the blog world since I started my blog and I have been blessed to read so many of your blogs and be touched by them. Tonight I will hug my children before they go to bed and remember just how lucky I am...to have my sons here on earth and my son in heaven. They have all touched my life and I will never be the same because of them. Blessings~

1 comment:

Erika said...

I'm praying for you on this day of remembrance. You are so strong in God's walk, I know he is holding your hand during this difficult time. God Bless!!