" I am the Lord. I change not." Malachi 3:6

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Lead me to the cross.....

Today has been a wonderful day so far! I woke up bright and early (4:15) and headed to the grocery store to do my big shopping. I make a menu, cut coupons, write my list, and go to the grocery once every two weeks. I personally get stressed when I go during normal business hours due to all of the people/congestion and since Noah was born I have started my early morning weekend routine...and honestly I love it! There isn't anyone there except me and the people who stock the shelves and the cashier. I'm sure they think I'm crazy but I enjoy the peace and quiet and find it relaxing. My favorite part is at the end when I give the cashier my coupons and watch the dollars fall off! :) It doesn't take much to make my day. Then I headed home unloaded my groceries, ran to Starbucks to meet one of my girlfriends for early coffee, then back home to get the family ready for church and off we went. I was so blessed by Pastor Dave's sermon today! We haven't been in a couple of week and I so missed going. The worship team sang one of my favorite songs...I don't remember the title but one of the phrases is " Lead me to the cross Lord I lay me dow"....oh how that spoke to my heart today. I so want others to see Christ in me...I want them to know that I love him with all of my heart, I want to stand apart so that my life may bring Him glory...and boy do I often fall short! Truthfully, I can be a rather impatient, stubborn, double stubborn, prideful person, but time and time again God forgives me and reminds me just how much He loves me. Just when I think I've blown it He gives me another chance and yet another, and I know I will continue to need those "second" chances throughout my life. How lucky we are to have a father whose love is unconditional. I grew up in a home where unconditional love was not something my father gave me and I often struggled to understand how my heavenly father could love me that way. I still have my days, but boy has He taught me so much these past couple of years. There have been moments when I didn't think I could take any more and was flat on my face...and He met me there....and carried me...He was there when I lost our second baby, He's been there when my brother's face caught on fire, when my sister had an eating disorder and lived with us, when my mom has been sick and struggled to function. He had been there and continues to give me a strength that is not my own. Often I get selfish and wish I didn't have to carry the burdens of my family that I often feel I have to carry, but I'm learning and trying so hard to let go and Let God. For my head knows He is strong enough to carry all of it...the good and bad...it's my heart that doesn't always Trust...and I like to be in control and it's very hard for me to be vulnerable and give the control up to Him. I can tell you though that when I do give the control up I am covered by an amazing peace....and continue to learn so much every day. Today's song...Lead me to the cross....reminded me so much of all that He did for all of us....He died a painful death that I will never be able to comprehend. The pain he felt is something words can not express but he died so that I may be forgiven and live eternally with Him.... How short I fall...but I tell you what...How I desire to Lay ME Down and live the Life that HE wants for me, my family, my children.

As I wait for the boys to wake up for their nap...I'm praying about the interviews we are having with several ladies to potentially watch the boys for us two days a week. Currently my mom watches them for us on Tues and Thurs, and Chad's parents watch them the rest of the week. My mom's health has been declining the past year and while the doctor's do more tests we need to find someone to help us watch them on the days she does. Currently my girlfriend has been watching them which has been a blessing, but she will be moving within the next six weeks after her husband gets out of the Army, so we are looking and praying for the right person to watch them. I can't tell you how nervous I am...these are my babies and with all of the crazy stuff I read about in the news I'm just praying for the right person to come along. God has been good and has placed two ladies in our path so far. We interviewed one this Friday and will be leaving here once the boys wake up to interview the second. We have a third potential person but am waiting to hear back from her about an interview time. Please pray that the Holy Spirit will lead us to the correct person.

Thank you for listening to my heart....I love being able to sit and pour whatever is on my heart out on "paper".... Tonight I need to finish some laundry and get ready for the week. I am hoping to get my Christmas thank you cards done and just hang out with the boys. I am making chili tonight for dinner. That is my craving of the moment! :) May you have a blessed evening.

No comments: