Praying for wisdom, patience, and healing..........

These past few weeks have been filled with many happy things and many things that have brought struggle, fear, and anxiety.  I'll start with the awesome blessings...my mom was able to go visit my brother during his pass weekend at basic training! From what she shared with me it was full of wonderful conversations, movie watching, and lots of good food.  Mike was able to call me multiple times and that was a huge blessing! Hearing his voice and being able to talk to him was amazing.  I've missed our morning coffee talks as we call them and was glad to hear that he is enjoying his training and all that he is learning.  He started AIT and graduates in four weeks.  If all works out the way he plans he will be moving back home sometime in February. I couldn't be prouder of him.  God has truly transformed his heart and blessed him immensely!
My sister, Nena, was hired at the same company my husband and I work for. PTL! It is a full time job with wonderful benefits and will pay for her college when she goes back.  She is beyond thrilled and looking forward to moving into an apartment with Mike in the summer.  How God has blessed my siblings...it's been amazing to watch. Noah and Ky are doing fantastic and both equally loving school. Although Noah told me this week that he no longer wants to bring his lunch to school, that he wants to use the tray and pick our whatever he wants. He assured me he didn't have to pay for it and "all" of his friends use the trays for lunch. How my heart melted at my little man growing up.  So now I must figure out where to find the menu and put money in his account so he can enjoy this new experience.....
     Now for an update on me....The last two weeks have been extremely hard for me...both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I have been to the hospital almost every day either to urgent care, the anticoag clinic, the lab, or my doctor's office.  I also have the on call doctor's numbers memorized and the triage nurse and i are on a first name basis.  Praise- My lungs have cleared which is a huge blessing! My breathing is back to normal and I'm so thankful.  However I'm still dealing with fatigue, intense pain that comes and goes in my shoulders, legs, and last week traveled up my neck and to my forehead. Sunday I ended back at the hospital because I could feel the pain moving in my leg and was scared that I was no longer therapeutic...thankfully I still was however these pain have increased my anxiety immensely and I am having a really hard time being alone.  Monday evening my left leg from my ankle to my knee went number and part of my face went numb as well...I went to urgent care right away only to deal with a jerk of a doctor and after three hours of being there was told I have peripheral nerve damage and will need to work with a neurologist....  Thankfully I had an appt with my dr Tuesday morning and was able to review everything with her.  She is struggling to connect some of my remaining symptoms to my PE and has now ran seven new labs on me to look for everything from MS, Lupus, and other things that could be causing these problems.  Depending on the results I will be seeing a neurologist and potentially a second specialist next week.  Unfortunately this means another week off of work and to be honest I was hoping I would be able to start back up again next week.  In the same breath I just want all of the tests and everything resolved before I return. I was told that most if not all of the results should be available by Tuesday so i'm hoping to know more then.  Right now I'm researching neurologists in the area and praying for next steps, wisdom, and peace.  To be honest peace is one thing I have been struggling with these past two weeks...fear has slowly crept its way back in.  Thankfully my best friend flew here to be with me while my mom was gone to GA....that really helped just having someone here during the day....plus I love her to death and was thankful to see her.  I realized today that I've worn the same two pairs of sweats for the past two weeks and should probably switch it up as the lab techs probably think i don't own anything else. I've continued to pray daily for healing for answers and for wisdom, but I've struggled to feel His presence...I know He is there and will never leave me but right now I just feel like He's been distant....and I feel scared.  I'm scared that something is going to happen while Chad and the boys are gone during the day, that something will happen while I am driving, and the thoughts continue.  Bless my mom's heart she has been here almost every day prior to last week doing laundry and dishes and just being here while I've slept.  I don't know what I would do without her support.  Chad's been nothing short of amazing but I could tell last week that he was getting mad that I was still having to wait for answers, dealing with the pain, and having to go back and forth to the hospital so much.  This week hasn't been any different except now we know I will most likely be referred to a specialist next week.  Are you tired of hearing about this? I know i'm tired of thinking about all of it...lol  I've tried to keep my sense of humor through all of this but have to say I feel deflated this week.  I want my life back....and am desperately clinging to His word and know that He has a plan. I want to be used by Him but the selfish part of me wants this all to be over with sooner than later.
     On a positive note my sweet husband bought me a Keurig http://www.keurig.com/.  And i'm in love with it!!!! It has brightened my mornings and the variety of flavors to choose from is exciting.  My sweet friend ,Sandi, sent a large sample box of flavors home with Chad and I have enjoyed trying them out.  I am sad to say that I think my coffee pot is going to be replaced...it's still on the counter but we shall see for how long. :) The exciting thing that Carm got me hooked on is Harney & Sons, Hot Cinnamon Tea http://www.harney.com/.  I've never been a tea drinker but has always wanted too.... I did like a raspberry tea while I was prego with Ky but stopped drinking it once I had him. Anyhow in the afternoons I'm now drinking this wonderful tea and am excited to try a few more flavors Carm recommended...those would be from Tea Forte http://www.teaforte.com/. 
     So if you think about it the next few days please be in prayer for my test results, for the dr I'm working with, for guidance on next steps, and that I can return to work soon.  Please also pray for my husband....I know this has been hard for him and even though he tries not to show it I know he's impatient for answers also. Blessings
 

Prayers for Katie

Over the past year I have been following Katie's blog  here: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/.  Her testimony and love for Christ humbles me every time I read her blog! A few days ago I read her blog and she asked for prayer for her family and today she shared what has unfolded in her family's life over the past few days.  As a mother my heart breaks for her. Please read her blog, be blessed by it, and pray for this precious family as they continue to praise God during this storm.  Blessings!

Movies

Today was another daybat home...I think I slept until 3:30....praying tomorrow I have some energy. Tonight I've watched the movie Julia/Julia and loved it! It made me want to go out and buy a whole bunch of cookbooks and read them! I then watched Thr Proposal which always reminds me of the years I spent in AK...and now I'm watching New in Town. I don't remember the last time I stayed awake to watch a full movie yet alone three. I'm praying I'm able to fall asleep soon....

Organizing and more trips to the hospital

Last week was my first week back to work and went relatively well.  I started back with 465 emails but didn't let it get to me as I enjoyed every minute of having my email off while on vacation.  Friday night Chad and I had a dinner date planned but I wasn't feeling very well once I got home from the city. We decided to swing by the hospital and have my protime taken.  I found out my INR was at 1.1.....and had a hard time not being anxious the rest of the evening.  When I am stressed I normally clean and I mean deep clean...so Saturday morning after Bible study I headed to Target and picked up several organizational tools i have been looking at for a while and went full speed ahead at our home....Chad and I got alot done but by the end of the day I was wiped....I'm sure I probably overdid it but it helped keep my mind off of my numbers. Friday evening I had started to cough quite a bit at night and Sat night was the same...by Sunday I was struggling and coughing short dry coughs often.  I started to get a sinus infection last week and thought omw I'm getting pneumonia on top of all of this.  I went in for my pro time on Sunday and found out I was still out of therauptic range...(not good) and Monday provided the same results. By Monday morning I was back at the hospital but my main dr is on vacation this week...which put me in a bit of a panic because I don't trust drs easily and didn't want to deal with someone who didn't know what they are doing. Luckily her backup was great and  heard rumbling in my right lung...and ordered an x-ray and sent me home with meds and decided to treat me as if i had pneumonia because kt would be two days before I received the results. The tricky part is that antibiotics will affect my coumedin.....and right now i think i'm up to eight meds.. Long story short my breathing problems continued to worsen and I ended up back at the hospital yesterday...the dr. and I were concerned that I had a new PE (pulmonary embolism)...they did a chest ct and luckily there are not any new ones in my left lung.  The fact that I've been out of therapeutic levels for seven days though has been concerning on top of the breathing problems.  We got home from the hospital at 7:45 last night and I was back there at 9:30 this am to go to the coagulation clinic....now i'm home and wiped.  I'm hoping to log on to work for a bit tomorrow but just haven't had much energy to much the last few days and have continued to sleep quite a bit.  I'm thankful that I'm getting good treatment but will be glad when this part is over. I've been so anxious about having additional PE's and the large clot in my leg releasing more....because I can't see what it's doing and i've been having the pains I've had it's been kinda stressful trying to real everything in and make sure something isn't being missed.. Well that's my week thus far. I'm getting a little stir crazy, tired of hospitals, walgreen pharmacies, and bad hair days.  I've enjoyed being in sweet pants but am ready to feel better and work out again and just feel like me...without worries about these clots.

Family Vacation

The past ten days have been wonderful.  My dr. released me to go on our family vacation to South Carolina and I was thrilled! My levels were theraputic for three days before we left and she let me go with a page of instructions but I was able to go..Yes! We left Thursday after I got off of work and headed out.  We stopped in Indiana and got up early the next morning to finish the drive to Isle De Palms. Unfortunately I started having chest and shoulder pains that morning and we ended up calling an ambulance while in Tennessee.  I was taken to Mission Hospital and they were fantastic! My oxygen levels were down to 93% so they put me on oxygen for several hours and did a chest CT to make sure there weren't additional clots.  I was relieved that there weren't any and after injections of more meds and my vitals returning to normal they released me.  We were only an hour from my cousins home and decided to stop there for the evening and not go all the way to Isle De Palms.  After a good nights rest we got up and made is to the Isle by lunch time.  The next two days were filled with nothing but time on the beach, sleep, and family time.  That Sunday we had my cousins wedding on the beach...which started at five and was beautiful! We had never been to a beach wedding and thoroughly enjoyed it.  My cousin, Rebecca and I, got up the next morning for a long walk/talk on the beach with our coffee in hand and spent the rest of Monday on the beach with the kids.  I will forever cherish these days of nothing but relaxing and memories made! I know it sounds corny but I have been so looking forward to this time of just peace.  After spending four days in the Isle we spent an afternoon in Charleston exploring and having amazing seafood! We then headed to my cousins house and spent five days with her and her family! My aunt and uncle, and Grams live two blocks from her so it was fantastic to spend time with them.  Rebecca has three kids...twin girls who are five and a boy who is nine.  Noah and Ky had a blast with them and were immediately attached at the hip.  We spent time during the day doing many different things as a family, The Children's Museum (was awesome!..), Clemson Botanical gardens, Boating, and relaxing.  I loved the slow pace and frankly didn't miss work for a minute! In fact I actually dreaded coming back period.  Unfortunately i've struggled to keep my levels theraputic and fell well below the min level on Wednesday and today they are way above...so i'm praying they level off this week.  My arms could sure use a break from all of the bloodwork.  We arrived home last night at about 11 and we all crashed! This morning the boys were up at their normal time and we actually made it to the 9:00 service. I have missed being at church the past few weeks and felt so blessed to be there today!! God speaks through our pastor and today was no exception! My heart was calmed and peace filled me! I've been so anxious driving since everything happened and hope this week goes ok.  I start driving back to the city and am a little nervous about my long car ride.  I could go on and on about our week but am pretty tired and want to have some cuddle time with my men before they get tucked in. Here are few of my favorite pics from our trip! Enjoy:)

Facing my own mortality

Hello my dear blog friends! Well I would love to say things have been quiet and boring but life has been everything but these past two weeks.  Two weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night two a sharp sensation in my leg and I jumped up in bed with sweat pouring all over the place and my ears ringing and not stopping. Poor Chad thought I was dreaming and at the time I thought I somehow twisted something in my sleep.  The odd thing was I have never pulled any muscles and had the reaction of sweat and ears ringing.  It was quite scary but once the ringing subsided I was able to eventually fall back to sleep.  Things were quite for the next week and I really didn't think about it after that.  Then last Sunday my shoulder started hurting..I had this sharp pain in my shoulder that lingered all day and that night my left side of my chest started hurting as well.  I started to get nervous and thought something was wrong with my heart but I'm stubborn and just layed down and massaged my shoulder.  Monday and Tuesday the pain stayed the same and then Tuesday night I thought for sure I was having a heart attached...the pain was ridiculous...I called the nurse on call who told me to hang up the phone and call an ambulance.  I know this sounds ridiculous and I as type this I'm shaking my head and how stubborn and irresponsible my decision was but I decided against calling the ambulance because I do not like the emergency room doctors at the hospital that was open at this time.  There are two hospitals in the town we live in and I prefer one over the other and have had some bad experience with the emergency room.  Anyhow so Tuesday night came and went and Wednesday was the final straw. I was driving home from the city (i drive 1.5 hours each way ) Wednesday evening and the pain shot all over my left and right arm...and my ears started ringing again. I was on the the phone with my mom and immediately pulled over and told her to stay on the phone with me because I thought for sure I was going to lose consciousness.  I made it home but called my family practitioner and made an appt for Thurs am.  Chad took the day off of work to be with me as he was really concerned about leaving me alone...we went to the hospital bright and early and she did an EKG and ruled out right away that there had been any damage to my heart.  I went to the labs for a series of lab work and x-rays and as we were pulling out of the parking lot she called me and told me to head over to the hospital to have a chest CT...as after reviewing everything we had just discussed she had a strong reason to believe that I had a blood clot in my lung.  I was dumbfounded and fear covered my from head to toe.  I prayed the whole drive there all while playing the morning back in my trying to remember if I had told each of the boys how much I loved them...because to be honest I thought for sure I was going to die before they figured out what was wrong with me. You see three years ago a dear friend of mine died of a blood clot and literally fell over and died instantly.  I feared that since I was dealing with these pains for multiple days that i could potentially fall over at any time.....so I cried and really had a hard time just giving it all over to God.  I wish I could have said I was at peace with everything but I wasn't.  I begged and pleaded with God to give me more time...pleaded with him to let me see the boys again to be able to give them another kiss and praying that I could go home and it would all just go away. I was thankful that the doctors got me in STAT everywhere I went that day and by the time I was done with the CT...I literally had time to go to the bathroom, Chad ran to the car to get my phone, and the doctor was on the phone confirming our worst fears..I had multiple blood clots in my lungs.  I lost it...standing in radiology...on the phone with my dr..the tears were pouring down my face and I thought I would crumble right there.  Chad and I headed back to my doctor's office and started discussing my treatment plan.  Thankfully it is something that they can get under the control.. I headed to the Treatment Convention Center shortly thereafter for my first injection of Lovenox and teaching on how to do this at home (yuck) and headed back to the lab for more blood work.  So long story short I'm taking injections of lovenox everyday, cumedin at night, and going to the hospital each day for lab work to check my INR levels.  PTL my INR levels were therapeutic today (2.7) which is great news because I was at a 1.2 yesterday.  Here's the other kicker....so we are supposed to go on our family vacation this Thursday to the Carolinas for 10 days and spend time at a beach house and relax....now with all of the this the question came up if we could even go.  It's still unknown for sure If I can go but I had a great talk with a good family friend today who is a MD and he was very encouraging in that he felt very comfortable with me going since my levels are therapeutic.  I will have to find a hospital where we are staying overnight so I can get my protime taken as well as where we are staying for the week but that seems pretty easy.  But the deciding factor will be on Wed when I meet with my doctor again.  The stubborn part of me says i'm going no matter what because we have been looking forward to this time away for a  year...I've been counting down the days until I can turn off my work email for 10 days and just be with my family and enjoy every minute together. But the realistic part of me knows that I must take care of myself and listen to what the doctors say....i know at the end of the day i want to be here for my boys for a lot longer and don't want to risk something happening while we are driving and put myself in a compromised situation.  So with all of that being said I sit here tonight with a humbled heart....many tears shed...and many hugs and kisses given the past few days. I remember walking Ky to his room last night to tuck him in and enjoying watching the back of his legs walk down the hall and climb into his bed....thankful for the opportunity to tuck him in one more time. Thankful to hear him tell me this morning that he wanted the window down so he could have air on his head..and thankful to watch Noah chase his brother around the house.  I don't know what this week will bring...I am working from home this week until I'm supposed to go on vacation.  They do not want me driving more than 20 minutes by myself just in case something happens... and I'll be honest i'm glad to be close to home this week..  Tomorrow I promise to share the wonderful things we have been experiencing this fall...the apple orchard trips, kindergarten happenings, and many wonderful home cooked meals as a family. Until then thanks for you prayers and listening to my heart.  I know it's been a few weeks since I've posted and I feel like i'm constantly posting crazing happenings but find comfort in journaling my thoughts and getting it all out.  It's also been great for me to read my past posts and see just how far God has brought me over the past two years...even through all of the challenges we have faced His love has prevailed and we have grown not only as a family in so many ways but I've grown in so many ways. Blessings!

First day of school!

Growing up!

Today was Noah's first day of kindergarten and second day of Kylan going to a half day pre K program! Let me tell you the tears were coming and this mama needed some Kleenex.  It's amazing to think how quickly this day came...i know it sounds cliche because i remember when they were little and moms telling me the same thing and I would roll my eyes! Well it came and I wasn't ready but they were and it was a great day full of memories! This morning started off with them both getting ready, shoes, backpack, and out the door for pictures. My heart melted and I could have just stood there watching them. How I love being there mom and feel so incredibly blessed! After dropping of Ky and Chad I took Noah to Starbucks to get a coffee and juice for him...and his response "I'm going to pretend this is my coffee"..and right there we had a moment that I will always remember. And off to his school we went and I walked him up and into his classroom and he loved it! No tears went right in and was ready to have a great day...and he did but was tired! And little man...beat...fell asleep snoring within moments of being home.  And today I got to be in town for all of it and loved it!!! So glad I can work remote and let me tell you there wasn't going to be anything that would keep me from missing this awesome day! I picked up Noah and he was exhausted but so excited and pulled out his take home folder and just stared at it in the car...love it! The rest of the day went well and we put them to bed 45 minutes earlier...

Ready to go

My soldies!

Another big thing this week was my brother Mike going off to basic training! He is in ROTC and is spending the next four months at basic... He was able to come home for three weeks before shipping out and it was wonderful to have him home again, but heartbraking to say goodbye..knowing we won't be able to talk to him for a while. While I have so much else to share my eyes are slowly closing and I am going to crash as tomorrow will be a full day...BUT before I sign off here are some pics of our amazing week so far.