Monday, March 19, 2012
The best mama
This weekend was amazing...the weather was gorgeous~! We spent almost the entire weekend outside as a family. We took the boys mini golfing yesterday afternoon and I spent time playing around the world with Noah while Chad and Ky played football. We grilled out and made homemade sundaes. The best part was when I made breakfast Noah walked by and said "You are the best mama"...and my heart melted. Then last night we all had our ice cream bowls and were cuddling watching Chopped and Noah says " You are still the best mama" and I teared up. I want them to think that...I want them to know that I love them more than words can express. But often I struggle with the balance of being a business woman, a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, and the other hats that I wear. I consciously do my best to log on to work after they go to bed so that they don't see my glued to my laptop while they are awake. I want them to know that they have my undivided attention and that I'm here....and when I say here I mean present. Present with ears to listen to everything they are saying, eyes to see what they are don't or not doing. I might be a business woman but I'm their mom first and I want them to know that. I don't ever want them to question that I'm present in what is going on in their world. And sometimes it's a struggle. When I have to travel and miss tucking them into bed, or can't read them a book or practice their spelling words I feel bad. I know that Chad is home and is doing a fantastic job keeping everything together, reading the books, practicing the words, and tucking them in...but I get jealous and don't want to miss it..not even one day. But when my son says things like you are the best mama in that moment I am comforted and know that I am doing the best I can and he sees that. One thing I have struggled with over the past year is being in the word every day. Being home the past seven weeks has provided me with a lot of quiet time and I'm excited to say that I've been in the word every day the past few days. And God is speaking to me through it. On Saturday while I was reading in Haggai I came across this verse " Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, on to put them in a purse with holes in it" Haggai 1:5-6. This is the first time that I remember reading anything in Haggai but I knew God wanted me to read this verse and remind me just how important balance is. Just how important prioritizing my time with Him in the word is. It reminded me just how precious my time is with Him and that when I am confused on where to start reading He is waiting with wisdom no matter where I start. So with all of that being said I start my week with Noah's words fresh on my heart "you're the best mama"...and I in turn say to God " you are the best father". It's his unconditonal love and 100 chances that continue to teach me just how to be the best mama I can be.