Prayful Wednesday

I'm exhausted...i'm not even going to lie or try and add fluff to how I feel today. This week has been "interesting"... Good news I graduated from my boot yesterday and am not in a brace for the next three weeks...and I can drive!! PTL...because me and my independent self was having major patience issues waiting for that thing to get off..  But to add to the stress Ky has croup yet again and Noah came down with a fever at school yesterday and it spiked to 104.5 this morning at 1am. I'm beat..work is nuts and i'm leaving on Sat for a week, minus my 12 hour layover back at home on Wednesday with enough time to drop in from the airport repack my luggage, get haircuts for all of us and take of Thursday am at 6am.  Did I mention I hate to fly and have already been in prayer rebuking the devil? I have to fly out to Seattle which is a four hour flight and I usually top out at 1.5 hours on my "normal" flights..

So today i'm working from home, trying to get laundry down ( it never is:)..) attend to my sick boys, come up with my bi monthly grocery list, keeping in mind that Chad will be cooking meals all next week, and go through my to do list before Friday. Yikes! Did I mention I'm exhausted? Oh and to add to the list of health issues (which seems to be never ending) I had a CT done yesterday due to my constant ringing in my left ear and that came back ok..so now I have to wait for two weeks and will see an ENT and have audiology testing done.  My prayer for April is that I am healthy and don't have to visit the hospital once...We'll see how that goes:)

For all of your prayer warriors out there please in be prayer that God will put his healing hand on our family from all of this sickness/health issues, give me peace about flying, and calm my spirit as I finish out the rest of the week.  I would greatly appreciate it!Blessings!

And then there was ice... :)

So much for my signs of spring blog! Last week ice came pouring down literally...so on Monday instead of making it to the city I turned around and drove home...well to my mom's house actually. I decided to work at her house until lunch and then I was going to head home...It all happened so fast. My mom said "oh no there goes my garbage can in the street" my little sis and I picked straws and I won (we didn't really pick straws :)..) and I headed out the front door to go get the can and fell down the steps covered with ice and when I fell my right leg landed funny on the concrete with a snap I knew something was wrong.... My ears started to ring and I ended up rolling around in the ice in pain screaming..yep that's how it started. I wasn't even sure how I was going to make it to the car but somehow I did and once at the hospital found out I tore a tendon in my foot and sprained my ankle..the swelling was bad so they put it in a wrap and said to use the boot once the swelling went down and sent me on my way with crutches. Here's where it gets even better. The next morning at 4 am I get up with my crutches to go to the bathroom and my crutches went one way and I fell again on the same leg just the other side and screamed out in pain again. It woke my little men up who came piling in the bathroom to go to the bathroom and head back to bad while i'm laying there on the floor..lol I can laugh about it now but it must have been a sight. So back to the hospital we go and more x-rays later I now damaged soft tissue and damaged nerves on the right side of the same foot. So now i'm in a boot for at least three weeks and did I mention it's on my driving foot? Yeah so i'm not happy..I was just back into my workout regiment and getting two great workouts in everyday and now ugh. My favorite phrase from Chad last week was ..." I take you for worse and worse"... I know he was joking but that's how it feels at the moment.

Besides that things are going relatively well. The boys are loving their swimming lessons and I'm having a blast watching them. They had a wonderful few days at home with Chad while I went on a business trip to MN..boot at all.  My good friend ended up driving me and enjoying the time away and I had a packed schedule of meetings but it was a success. We found this awesome winery on the way back and I brought home eight bottles of wine to share... And here it is Tuesday and i'm already looking forward to the weekend. I'm hoping it comes fast! I'll have to post pics soon...I did find some awesome Lego headlamps for the boys at MOA and they are a hit..so much so that they came in our room with them on at 5:45 Sun morning. It made my day! Sorry for all of the rambling but I guess that's life at the moment.

Signs of Spring!

This week has been a good one! It started off with Valentines day and my hubby remembered one of my favorite red wines and bought a bottle and some chocolates (some of my fav) and wrote a beautiful card to go with it. The down side...I'm on my sixth week of Weight Watchers and tracking really hard and even though I still have my WW chocolate items I'm trying not to have to much reg choc. It's like a drug to me..I can't stop at just one piece. But I adore him and am so blessed to have a husband who is so thoughtful...because really I also think of valentine's as a hallmark holiday and don't put a whole lot of stock into it..  Anyhow that was Monday...and then Noah got sick with a 101 temp for four days! We took him to our pediatrician and his fever broke today but this mama was starting to get very concerned.  Ive been blessed to be able to WFH (work from home) yesterday and today so it's been nice to get caught up on dishes and some laundry at a decent time.  I even made dinner at 7am this morning and through it in the crock pot....chicken tortilla soup..YUM! Can't wait to have some. I got a great workout in on my lunch and am planning on going on a long walk after Chad gets home from work. The temps have warmed up and the snow is melting slowly...but we are starting to see grass and I am beyond thrilled!

     This weekend is full but filled with many fun things. The boys have swimming lessons tomorrow, my hubby is helping move some furniture from my sisters to my moms, and I have a bridal shower to go to in the afternoon.  Sunday I am going to see my friend from AK who I haven't seen in months! I can't wait....we are getting together at the crack of dawn for coffee so that I can be home early enough to spend the rest of the day with the boys. I'm traveling three days next week and want to soak up as much time with them as possible.

     Not too much else to share right now....and to be honest I think I might attempt at a nap while the boys are sleeping. :) Blessings to everyone!

Trust

I listen to K-Love all day long in my car during my commute to the City...this year they have been talking about coming up with one word that describes how you want to live your year or describe you.  I spent a few weeks really thinking about and it as of last week the word came tumbling out..TRUST. Yep that's my word...and Im on my knees laying it before God.  You see that word represents everything that I struggle with and often coincides with my control issues...or false sense of control if you will.  After losing Mason...I trusted HIM......He was there and picked me up and held my hand, and listened to me scream, he sat beside me as I laid in bed for days at a time....I trusted Him to get me to the other side of the horror I was living in.  And He did....Trust..When I was in a car accident in July and my explorer was totalled I trusted Him to provide...to heal me and blessed that my babies were not hurt.  Trust... Two months later when I was diagnosed with pulmonary embolism....I was shaken to my core and I'm going to be honest with you.I didn't trust... I remembering praying in the radiologist's office and tears pouring down my face..but I wasn't Trusting Him to take care of me...I was desperately trying to control the situation at hand...and do what needed to be done to fix things. If you've read my blog the past few months you will know that has been easier said then done.. An ugly thing called anxiety has reared it's ugly head and now is part of my almost every day...and I don't like it one it.   My weekly sessions with Wendy are helping and i'm back on track with WW and working out every day which seems to wear me out so that I am not so anxious going to bed....but this weekend I had a huge AH HA moment...I haven't completely Trusted Him with EVERYTHING.  There have been moments, and days, and even weeks that I've trusted him and praised Him for getting me through this...but there have been just as many days where I have doubted and not trusted.  I have doubted for fear that things will turn out that way I don't want them to....and that scares me....it has scared me to my core.  But then I read a book this weekend..."The boy who came back from heaven" by Kevin and Alex Malarkey...and He showed up and spoke to me ever so gently about Trusting Him...and the tears have continued to flow... Because my disbelief has been consumed by not just my PE, but by my fear of flying, and this week....This week marks the 2nd anniversary of losing Mason.  And right now my friends...i'm a mess.. I went over to my girlfriend Mich's house on Friday night to enjoy some red wine as we normally do after our kids go to bed. We usually talk for hours and I stay in the suite downstairs.  This Friday....was like others but somehow our conversation came to Mason and I lost it.....and I mean lost it...sobs erupted from my core and I could barely catch my breath but Mich was there and just held me and we cried together. As His anniversary approaches I found myself thinking of so many things this weekend...waves of memories rushing back...finding out we were pregnant...my precious friend J being there as she was the only one as work I had told... I remember continuously bugging her about my clothes and is anyone could tell and i'm pretty sure I had something to say about a craving or anything baby related for the first few months...and it brought us close. I trusted her and was blessed.  I go back to the Sunday it all started going downhill....sitting on my couch feeling pressure while studying...and going to bed only to wake up house later wet....knowing right away my water had broke... its a bit of a blur as far as who came to be with the boys and Chad taking me to the hospital...but It's like a movie replaying in my head as they rolled me into labor and delivery and confirmed my worst fears..I would be delivering our son that night and he would not make it. They warned me that he might be born trying to breathe on his own but he was two young for them to be able to save him... Trust...it was there that I cried/screamed out to God to meet me there and in a strong way. My husband...I remember him kissing my forehead and rubbing my hand....and crying with me after Mason was born and we held him.  Trust... I was not able to articulate much and it would be days before the numbness wore out but I trusted God to get me through those moments because if I didn't I wouldn't have made it. Period. So tonight it's been rough....my heart is aching for that little baby I held two years ago and said good bye to this side of eternity. I have heard several songs on the radio this week that were on his CD we played at his funeral and they suck the air out of me....I want to go see him even though I know he is not "at" the graveside...but its the closest I can get and I just want to hug him...however with all of the snow i'm afraid I won't be able to find him.  Trust....I leave for Minn on the 10th..one day after his anniversay and fly coming home the 11th...quick trip in and out...but there's that word Trust...God give me trust to take this leap of faith and LET go of my fears and truly be at peace...that is so desperately what I want. So I don't know that what I'm rambled on about tonight makes a whole lot of sense but I will ask this....I will ask if you could pray for me this week specifically on Wednesday(Mason's day) and Thursday and Friday I will be flying. Please pray for peace.....for strength....and the ability to be used For his Glory. Pray that as I work more on Trusting that I will continue to be molded and let go of some of the layer's I've been clinging to.

A case of the Mondays...with the flu:(

I was so looking forward to this weekend...it was supposed to be one where I accomplished alot of items on my to do list....many of those items doing fun things with the little men in my life. We did make it to the library on Saturday as a family and had a great time! We have an awesome children's library and the boys love picking out new books and movies.... Chad and I take turns and pick out a few books for ourselves. After listen to an interview I picked up some of Karen Kingsbury's book and have to say I haven't been able to put them down. My productivity came to a halt Saturday after the library...I just felt weak and yuck...great adjective I know... :) Sunday i spent most of the day in bed and spiked a fever Sunday night...woke up this morning freezing but warm to the touch...yep pretty sure i have the flu... but am thankful for my wonderful hubby who went and bought me Gatorade and chicken noodle o's... how i love him.

Quick update as I feel like I've left you guys hanging unintentionally about my PE (pulmonary embolisms) and health problems...God is so good and after switching over to two new drs at a different hospital I feel so much better about the care and treatment plan i'm on. I had a vascular ultrasound done three weeks ago and my large clot in my leg is gone!!! Praise the Lord...I can't tell you the peace that news brought. I felt like such a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. They also did some tests on my liver and an ultrasound and the spot that was found in NC is gone...another praise! My meds have all been adjusted and i'm still going in weekly for blood work but the next step is a dr appt in March. I'm still working through the anxiety that became part of my daily life as a result of everything that took place back in Sept but I've made a lot of progress there thanks to "our Wendy"... an amazing counselor who has been there for me and my extended family for the past 8 years since we moved to the Midwest...she knows our family...my mom, sisters, and brother so well...our story and has become by extension part of our family... Her wisdom and insight is a blessing and has helped me tremendously face my fears..simple things that have become difficult over the months..

Take off! :)

Yesterday was a busy day! One that started with me takng off from Chicago and flying to South Carolina....and as I stated before i'm terrified of flying. I posted a thread on MckMama's blogfrog community and was blessed by the many kind comments.  A pilot gave me freeofflying.com to checkout and I did watch the video he recommended and it helped.  I aslo got to the airport early and had a couple fufu drinks just to help me relaz...between those and the dramimim I was able to relax and get some sleep on the flight...which is normally unheard of.  Funny thing is that now that we are here in South Carolina they are having a winter storm!!! It's crazy. They have gotten 7.5 inches of snow and it's all over the news... I also found out my business partner's from chicago who were coming in today's flights were canceled. So it should be interesting..not sure if we will make it out of our hotel...thankfully there is a starbucks around the corner from my hotel...now if they are open is another story:)

25 Random things about me :)

So I was reading Esther's blog here: http://www.laughwithusblog.com/ and thought the list was a great idea!! It's been a bit since i've posted and I actually plan on posting an actual post later but had a few minutes while my laundry is washing and thought this sounded like fun...so here goes 25 random things about me:

1. My name is Mimi and I live in the Midwest
2. I am the oldest of 6
3. I have been married for 6.5 years
4. I love love coffee!!!
5. Tea is something new i'm also in love with...teavana, teaforte, and harney and sons to name a few
6. Jesus is my Lord and Savior without whom I know I would not be alive
7. I love to try new red wines
8. I enjoy my girl time
9. Quilting is something I just learned last year and wish I had more time to do..
10. Listening to my sons laugh makes my day
11. I don't use the words I love you lightly
12. I lived in Alaska for several years and loved it
13. I moved 18 times in 13 years
14. I love to travel and see new places but am terrified of flying
15. I'd love to adopt someday
16. I've never been on a mission's trip overseas and hope to
17. Barnes and Nobles is one of my favorite stores and I hardly go there because I always leave with a stack of books.
18. My favorite color is blue
19. Growing up I loved watching G.I. Joe's
20. I collect Starbucks's city mugs
21. I am a coupon freak! :)
22. Mac eyeshaow is my favorite
23. Being a mom is the most amaging gift ever given to me
24. Anxiety is something that i've struggled with since being diagnosed with PE
25. I'm a control freak and God is daily teaching me to let go

Please share you link and post 25 random things about you on your blog. I've love to read them!!