Friday!

I can't even begin to tell you just how happy I am that it is Friday! It has been a week~!! I knew last Thursday that this week was going to be a bear with work and it was but it was also great in that I worked out 4 times already with one of them being 5:15 this morning! Yeah! I'm feeling so refreshed and just motivated which has been such a blessing. Today i'm working from home and I just love it. Being able to sit on my love seat in my yoga pants with my cup of coffee and work makes my week. It's nice not to have the contstant interuptions and I am able to crank through so much email! This weekend is a busy but fun one. Tonight my mom and girlfriend J are coming over for Bible Study. My friend J was in Japan for three weeks so we haven't met in three weeks and I'm just so excited to have fellowship with them tonight and get in the word. I'm making weight watchers pita pizzas with hummus, low fat cheese, peppers, and mushrooms for dinner. I'm hoping the weather stays nice so we can enjoy Bible study on my deck. In the years past I haven't had any problems with my allergies but this spring I've been sneezing up a storm!! I think it has something to do with the pollen levels being so high....but i'm ready for the sneezing to stop! :) Tomorrow i'm going to Chicago with my sister to look for her wedding shoes and our bridesmaid shoes which should be fun. I'm trying to think of something fun to do with the boys in the afternoon and then Sunday we have church and hopefully relaxing as a family. I'm planning on getting a longer workout in tonight after the boys go to bed and hopefully squeeze in some quilting. Chad and I took the boys hiking yesterday and had a blast. We hiked to a little creek and found a lot of frogs and the boys were fascinated. Between throwing rocks, finding "dinosaur fossils" and frogs it was a memorable evening! Well that's me in a nut shull for today. I have a ton of notes from church last week and can't wait to share but will need a bit more time to relay the awesome sermon we heard last week. Happy Friday!

From East to West- And my 100th post!

What a whirlwind of a week. Monday morning I left early for South Carolina. I was flying on a small jet....and I'm not a good flier. Don't get me wrong...I fly alot more in the past year, than I have in a long time. But I don't like. I don't like not have "control"...for those of you who read my blog regulary i'm sure you know that. :) Flying is no exception....I don't like not being on the ground, and I don't like turbulence... but I've been working on my fear and praying about it alot! Monday's flight went well...landed just find and headed to my families place in Senecca. My business meetings were about 45 minutes from where they live but all of my meetings were moved to Tuesday so I had the afternoon/evening to spend time with them and I loved every minute of it. I hadn't seen my aunt in years and it was great to see my Grams. She normally comes out here once a year and it was such a treat to be able to see their home. My grandma loves to quilt and since I'm fairly new to quilting we have enjoyed comparing notes, mostly me asking a lot of questions:) We had chicken salad for lunch which was amazing! My aunt made it from scratch and it was delicious. I had to work for a bit but afterwards they drove me around their town and took me to this cute resteraunt on a dock and we had appetizers and a couple glasses of wine and just talked. I loved it! Afterwards we went back to their place and I headed for my hotel. My meetings were the next day and I would fly back home shortly thereafter. I was rather dissapointed because my cousin Rebecca, her husband, and three kids live three blocks from my aunt, uncle, and Grams but they were in Charleston for Easter/spring break and weren't going to be back until Tuesday. I haven't seen Rebecca in 15 years but we have always been so close. Tuesday I spent much of the late afternoon at the airport working waiting for my plane...another small jet. As soon as we took off I knew something was wrong....we took off but didn't get up as high as we should have...this I knew because we were still below the clouds minutes after take off..and the plane felt like it was gliding...then the pilot called the flight attendent and I watched her eyes get big...and my heart sank. Two of my biggest fears is dying in a plane or drowning. She got on the phone and told us the plane was having mechanical problems, the pilot was on the phone with ATC, and they were going to TRY to get back to the airport. That is when I lost it. I looked at the man in front of me with his head in his hand...the lady next to me looked like a ghost and I just cried...thankful I had told my boys just how much I love them...thankful I told Chad I loved him...and then I started talking to God....asking for forgiveness for all of the wrong I have done and how sorry I was for not doing everything I should have this side of eternity. I couldn't see out the window so I kept asking the lady next to me if she could see the airport or landing strip and she told me she wasn't sure what she saw...the plane was still low and I was afraid he was going to try and land on the highway...but then he turned the plane and we made it to the runway....and I wept....They deplaned us and took all of the luggage off and I was shaking.....and couldn't stop. So thankful to be on the ground and just wanted to hear Chad's voice. I think I called him every 10 minutes that first hour...poor guy. The airport staff was trying to rebook everyone on connecting flights but I knew I couldn't get on a plane right then...I just couldn't. I called my boss, got a rental car and headed back to my aunt and uncles. I decided that I would drive home...crazy I know...but that's what I needed to do for me. I wasn't emotionally ready to get back on a plane...rationally I know that thousands of planes fly a day and the chances of my next flight having mechanical problems were slim to none but I just couldn't get all of the pictures out of my head of my time in the air...and need some time. I spent the next day in Senecca and it was a blessing. When I drove back Tuesday evening I went to my cousins and had dinner with everyone and it was great! I got to meet my cousins three kids who are precious and just enjoyed being with family. I worked all day Wed and then Wed night had dinner with everyone again and just talked. Thurs morning I got up at 4am and started the 14 hour drive home...and it went well. I still can't believe I drove from SC to Chicago to WI in one day but I did and it was great. I had a lot of time to think, talk to God, pray, enjoy talking to friends/family and thinking alot! I rolled in last night around 8 and crashed!!! I gave the boys and Chad big hugs and was just to thankful to be home safely. I worked from home today and we took the boys to see "How to train a dragon" and loved it! I'm not much for cartoon movies but I just loved it and will definately be buying it when it comes out on DVD. Now Chad is going to grill turkey burgers, then it's bedtime for the boys and I'm hoping to muster some energy to quilt, but I don't know...i'm still pretty tired. So there is my week in a nutshell and today is my 100th post!!! It's hard to believe I've posted that many times. As look back at different posts I'm thankful for this blog for so many reasons! It's become a place for me to put my thoughts down, write special memories, reflect on life and all that is happening. I've also made some new friends, and at the end of the day just want to be used for His plan. I have many inperfections but am enjoying being molded by the Potter!

He is Risen!

What an amazing couple of days! As Easter approached this year I have been reflecting on all that Jesus did for us...and have been humbled to tears! I was thinking about him on that cross.....hanging there with thorns on his head...nails in his feet and hands and just cry. He did that for me.....and for all of us. He took all of my sins...past, present, and future and died for them! I've been thinking alot about Mary today and how hard it must have been for her to see her "son" on the cross. I can't even begin to imagine what must have been going through her head...was she at peace, was she screaming...how did she feel when she went to his tomb the next day....and then again when she saw him again? There aren't many times in history that I wish I was alive during but that time would have been one of them. To touch his hands, be at his feet, hear his voice. Im in awe and oh so thankful for the sacrifice He made for us. I'm thankful that I can live my life with hope that I will see Him one day. Today has been wonderful! The boys and I planted some flowers today...and i'm so excited to watch them bloom! Tulips, lilies, and more lilies! I can't wait. We then went to my in laws where the boys did an easter egg hunt, had lunch, read the Easter story, and all came home for a much needed nap! I'm getting ready to head to SC for business tomorrow and would honestly rather just be home. I'm not even motivated to pack! I'm only going to be gone two days and I'm glad it's a short trip because i'm missing my family already!. Here are a few of my favorite pics from our day today! Enjoy.

WW...Bridesmaid Dress...and Flowers!

This weekend is starting off busy but fun!! My sister right below me is getting married in June...June 26th to be exact. I'm so excited for her and her fiance!! He's an amazing man and loves her so much. She asked me to be her matron of honor and i'm thrilled! This morning we got up early and went to meet with the Florist to look at flowers and figure out what she wants. It was a blast! I love the colors she chose and know they will look amazing. Afterwards we met up with my mom and other sisters and headed down to Illinois to get fitted for our bridesmaid dresses. So glad to get that checked off our list! I have started tracking with Weight Watchers again and have been tracking religiously and you know what...I love it! I wish I could eat whatever I want and be a size two but that's just not the case. My goal is to be healthy in my skin...there isn't a magic number I want to reach on the scale..I just want to feel good, be healthy, and get to a weight I'm happy with before we have any more kids. The past three weeks have been great and i'm actually excited to weigh in tomorrow and see my results for this week. I have the WW app on my iphone and love it!!! Having Ash's wedding is a great motivator and following her wedding is a trip to SC and Florida and I have the cutest bikini that I will wear! Tonight I'm hanging out with the men in my life, hopefully getting some quilting in, and baking. My family is coming over tomorrow to celebrate Easter as half of them will be in Florida next week on Easter. The boys are thrilled that they will have two Easter egg hunts. :) Here's to a great week and weeekend with family! God Bless.

A beautiful Wednesday!

Today was absolutely gorgeous!!! We had a high of 63 and I loved every minute of it. I opened our windows, brought our patio set out, and Chad cooked on the grill tonight. Chiptole turkey breast with red and yellow peppers!! Yum. After dinner the boys played on the trampoline and I made a cup of blueberry coffee and sat in my favorite chair on the deck and savored the fresh air! This week has been a busy one. One of my younger sisters was rush to the ER in the middle of the night on Monday and has been in the hospital since. She has endometriosis and syncopy and has been coping with excruciating pain post surgery three weeks ago. She's scheduled to go to a pain clinic but can't get in until next month. Please pray for her, my mom, and siblings. My poor mom is just worn out as they have spent so much time at/in the hospital over the past 6 months. Because my siblings are military dependents my mom has to take them to a hospital that is 45 minutes away. Chad and I have been taking care of my youngest sister and took her to my mom's this afternoon. I have a hard time being patient with the system and the meds that Sarah is having to take. She is on many narcotics and because of the dosage and length she has been on the meds her body has formed an immunity and they are now trying a different set of meds. So aside from the craziness there I'm looking forward to the weekend and being at home. I also just found out that there is a good chance my best friend will be coming back from Germany for 8 months as her husband is scheduled to deply in August. While I'm sad for them that he has to leave, I'm excited to be able to spend time with her and my godbabies. I've alreay warned Chad that I plan on going to Texas for a long weekend every month while she is home. :)

Spring is almost here!

I can't tell you how happy I am to see the sun out longer, the snow melting, and the temperature increasing!! Yes, I have spring fever in a bad way!!! I can't wait to open my windows up, let the fresh air in and turn the heat off. I'm looking forward to running outside again and most of all sitting on my deck sipping on coffee or wine, and enjoying the boys running around in our backyard!
Life in general has been so busy lately...full of fun opportunities but busy just the same. I have been traveling alot with work. While I enjoy seeing new places and meeting great people I miss being away from the boys! Chad was able to come with me on my last trip and we took a couple of extra days to see NYC which was a blast. I dragged him to see Carlos's bakery (The Cake Boss) in Jersey and loved every minute of it!! I have pics to post soon. I also started taking quilting classes a month ago. Don't laugh but learning how to quilt has been on my bucket list for years and the opportunity fell into my lap. So every Tuesday night I drive in from the city make a cup of coffee and head off to quilting class. Slowly i'm becoming a night person and staying up until the wee hours quilting. I love it!
The boys are doing fantastic and getting so big. We just registed N for kindergarten and Ky is right behind him heading to 1/2day school in the fall. Their personalities are blossoming and I love just listening to them talk to either other. We are so blessed and I don't take it for granted. Being a mom is truly the most amazing gift and I'm thankful for each day I have with them.
God has been working on my heart over the past month and I can't tell you what a peace he has given me just about everything. I finally feal like I have "turned the corner" and am moving forward with all that HE has for me. He's been putting a lot on my heart about serving others for Him and has brought some neat opportunities to do so. Once I have all of the details figured out I can't wait to share them with you. I'm also doing a Bible study with my mom and girlfriend. We are studying Esther, the Beth Moore Bible study and I am loving it. I have done two Beth Moore studies in the past but have often felt overwhelmed by them because they are packed full of good stuff but at the same time alot to complete in a week. We decided to go through what we can and not set a time limit. It's been awesome spending two weeks talking about the first chapter of Esther. God has blessed our early morning meetings on Saturdays!!
If there is anything I can pray about for you please let me know!! Prayer is so powerful.

Almost a year

I get choked up just thinking about this past year and all that has happened. Next Tuesday will be a year since Mason died. It will be a year since I gave birth to my tiny little boy and buried him days later. I can't even begin to tell you just how hard it is to write those words. I wish I could stop the tears but just thinking about those moments brings back a flood of memories, memories that are often still sitting at the surface. I remember when I found out we were pregnant with Mason...I remember telling my girlfriend and then not telling anyone..I desperately wanted to wait until I made it through my first tri-mester and was thrilled when I did without any complications. As long as I live I will never forget that Sunday and coming home from church and just not feeling right. That moment of horror waking up in the middle of night knowing my water broke, and knowing that what I was about to experience is every mothers worst fear. For me it was knowing that not only was I going into pre-term labor, i knew he was too small to survive. I will never forget my precious husband by my side...holding my hand and kissing my face...I will never forgot the nurses telling me they could feel his feet and that it wouldn't be long. I will never forget holding him, his tiny body in my hands. And the list continues of those moments that are etched in my memory as if they are pictures replaying. Amongst those memories are those of people God placed in our path to help us through. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only did He not forsake me...but He held me the whole time and still does on those rough days and hours. And believe me there are still many. I'd be lying if I said my faith hasn't been tested to it's core, but in that same breath He has shown me love in a way that has brought me to my knees. He has taken every scream, and tantrum, and awful word with grace and never let go. I know it sounds cliche but it's true...I know that had He not held me up I would not be here today and it's just that simple, period. For that I am grateful. I am grateful that my Father is strong enough to handle all of my days and mold me still. I'm thankful for a husband who has stood by my side and never left...this year has challenged our marriage and there have been times where I wasn't sure we could make it, but God has made our marriage stronger. It can still be rough..this past month has been no exception. As the days get closer I know I have distanced myself and pulled back...I know because Chad's told me...even tonight. I know sooner than later I will let it all out but honestly I've just had a hard time putting words to my feelings. I miss him. I miss what we don't have and that is Mason here. I wish I could see him with his brothers...what he looks like at 3 months, 6 months...all of those mile stones...but I can't. Most days I rest in knowing that he's happy and taken care of by the same Father who takes care of me...but sometimes I wish I could just kiss him one more time.